.

of reluctant doctor appointments

2011-03-17T23:19:00.003+08:00

I went to the doctor's today. I have been vomitting ocassionally, and battling with nausea and breathlessness since Sunday night. It took me 3 days of grappling with these symptoms to finally be convinced that I NEED to see a Doctor! I was stupidly stubborn. I even further encouraged the 'doctor' in me by consulting my all time favourite self diagnosis tool; Mr. Google. lol. One day, it would be indigestion, another day, it would be food poisoning...and it gets more and more far fetched from the original disease..lol. However, the symptoms got to a point of utter annoyance, disrupting my ability to work, and so I finally did the smartest thing I could have done all week.

It was a rather funny appointment. Instead of the usual-patient providing symptoms, doctor diagnosing disease, I ended up ranting on and on about my symptoms as well as all the different medication I purchased from the pharmacy to treat my 'imaginary' self diagnosed disease. I practically brought her through the whole chain of imagined 'illnesses' that contributed to my impulsive, bizarre purchase of medications. Its funny to me because here I was, sitting next to a doctor, but instead of making full use of this service, I end up doing the doctors job, while she sits quietly, and waits patiently to collect the 85AUD consultation fee at the end of the session. I can imagine her thinking, "What are you even doing here? It sounds like you already figured out what the problem is."

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."- Jesus Christ.

In Matthew, Jesus answers the Pharisees; who by their human understanding questions His fellowship with tax collectors and sinners on the dinner table, with this phrase. To me..it is the perfect analogy, such a simple truth, that speaks of the core of the christian walk; the walk that is initiated,guided, and directed by the cross of grace, the ressurection of Christ.

The day I understood and believed Christ the son of God as my Saviour and doctor in this sinful messed up world, was a day when I desperately NEEDED, wanted, a doctor, despite my rebellion against Him. I remember approaching Him dressed in old, ugly rags, repentance, and in humility (casting away all pre-self diagnosis, at least for that moment). Today, this should still be the way I walk this life...a walk, in TOTAL need of Him. (for is not Jesus our righteousness, holiness, and redemption? 1 Cor 1:30) After all, wasn't this the whole point of this huge reconciliation plan between man and God?

My doctor appointment made me realize how I've lost sight recently of Jesus as my spiritual Doctor, who is in position to not only diagnose the Disease, but also in love, address the symptoms from a point of truth and not thwarted google opinions. Many times I have tried to interpret the symptoms with my own intellect, which in the end leads to frustration. Worse still, I come to doctor Jesus for help but instead of listening first to what the doctor's questions are for me, I bombard him with all my questions, and preconcieved notions, my findings, research of the matter at hand.
In the end of the day, the intentions of my fleshly heart is clear; I love my own facts, interpretations, and false security more than wanting to trust Him as my doctor.
I hear Him ask me, "Then why come to me at all for help? Why even become a Christian?"

If I cannot rely on Him fully for my righteousness, holiness, redemption, fruits of the spirit..etc (and many more things that confirms i'm on the right path as a christian), then I am not following Christ. I have made my own weak human knowledge, and others' initiator and director of my walk. I am no longer walking by grace.

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." John 15

I need the vine to be my source of nourishment. I need Jesus to give me my fruits. I need my first love Jesus. The Jesus who died on the cross for me. An undeserved healing.

I am greatly reminded that in all matters....(be it worldy issues, doctrinal beliefs, spiritual experiences)...the doctor has the answer. If only we approach him in humility, we would understand with the wisdom given by Him. Wisdom that brings peace and not frustration.

Rant : can it get worse?

2010-05-18T14:57:00.003+08:00

I hope not...

i am so frustrated right now.

I've been skipping lectures and tutorials to fit in my work shifts - apparently its part and parcel of gaining the trust and approval of a new employer. Especially, one who is horrendously . . . picky/strict/you name it. because of this, I am now in a very bad situation.

I am clueless about the how to do the assignment that is due this friday. I am barely half done. Not to mention another 50% worth assignment of another unit that is constantly nagging at me at the back of my mind. Then I found out yesterday, that I failed my first assignment for this unit. To make it simple, I am practically FAILING this unit. The worse thing is, it is a compulsory unit.

If I don't score well for this assignment, I am dead meat. and I mean. DeAD.

Just as I was about to pick myself up from the horrible news of failing, another horrible news slapped me in the face. Someone stole my bicycle chain and some of the bicycle parts. I sulked through the sickening one hour journey home from uni yesterday night at 9pm (as usual), and ended up at home with another terrible argument with my mum. Ran out in the middle of the night, searching the whole neighbourhood, and the area surrounding the train station where I parked my bike, and found my bike chucked in the corner of an intersection. I swear I could have screamed like a mad woman while i was helplessly searching for the bike. I was soo....stressed about everything.

The fact that my bike is 80% crippled right now (except the brakes and the wheels) gave me another thing to worry about. How the hell am I going to get to work tommorow by 7am?

Thank God, I managed to pull myself together yesterday night. I really felt like givin up.

Fast forward. And SO, I managed to get to work by 7am. Did my usual routine. I'm still pretty new in the job, but things are moving smoothly so far, UNtil....I forgot to set the timer for the sausage rolls that are being baked in the oven. I NEVER made this mistake in the past 7 shifts! NEVER. It was only today of all days! and it came out black.

My managers came in the afternoon, and saw what happened.

The things they said to me, hurts like hell.

I've been takin so much of their shit since they started training me.

Being patient, trying to live up to their standard, doing everything they instruct me to. I KNOW they KNOW I'm capable of carrying out the duties. But why do they have to purposely put me down and make me feel so low just because of this accident?!!

The worst part is when I told them I could'nt work this friday because of the assignment, they judged me for being illogical with my reason. Their words stinged, I could'nt help it, the past kept flooding in.

After all the uni classes I've sacrificed just to fit into their schedule. Have they no heart? Can't they place themselves in my shoes? I'm not superhuman! I'm first year University student, enrolled into course that takes up 4 fulls days in a week, with 7 freaking units, with no car, and who has to travel 1 hour plus per journey everyday with public transport which means I can't just snap my fingers to make buses and trains appear in front of me, for God's sake! If given a choice, do you think i want to friggin slog like this?!

I was so tempted to fight back, but I remembered my new year resolution. Thus, held my anger, disbelief, and blinked in my tears.

Now here I am, home, breaking down in tears and frustration. I have a compulsory lecture at 6pm-8 later, and I have to travel 1 hours plus to get there just to sit for that one friggin lecture. SHIT...

If it was'nt for the gift of tears...I would'nt know what would have happened to me by now..

I know I should be grateful for everything I have.

I am grateful.

it's just in times like this, I need a place to release.

I am so home sick.

I am.

I want to go home.

and I mean

HOME.

up there.

KUNG-FU TIME

2010-05-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

HAI YAAAAAKKKKKKK!!!!!!

TAKE THATT!!!!! *whoosh, crack!!*

Beams satisfactorily

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Shifting blogs soon.

:)

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

2010-05-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour!

Your word, never fails.
Your faithfulness, proclaims your mercy.

I will not fear, the shadows of the dark for you were my Saviour, am my Saviour and will always be!

Life's battles are yours. Victory is in your hands
for You speak to us clear,
and gave us the greatest gift,
that is
your Spirit of Holiness and Boldness to proclaim with a sound mind,

that Jesus Christ is Lord.
Lord of this world,
Lord of our lives,
Lord of mine.

. for every blessing,
and every struggle,
To God be the Glory Forever.
Amen.

QUIET, WORLD.

2010-04-26T22:50:00.002+08:00

I'm breaking again, listening to the cries coming from the aching heart of a hurting child.

I'm breaking again, seeing tears of disbelief flowing out from eyes full of innocence and hope.

I'm breaking. . . . . when I see her start to tremble in fear

as she looks around and realises

that she is in a pool of hopelessness.

She's drowning. She's being buried,

alone . .

and she does not know it.

THEY do not know it.

Noone seems to know

the unloved.

Sometimes, there are certain unanswered questions in life that follows us wherever we go. Faithful shadows they are, shadows of the soul. For me, these are the questions that will tear away at your heart like a starving man tearing away at his juicy steak.

Shadows from the past.
how can they fade away,
when the present is no different?

..........

I want to carry her up, I want to love, but I'm afraid my heart would leak poison..
murderous pain, old bitter cancers,
won't these send me to the grave?

I hurt so much, when I see her cry-I cry with her.
I hurt even more,
when I realise. . .

she does not see my tears.

--------------

p/s: I am in the midst of completing an assignment. what am I doing HERE!? O.O

pps: I just really needed to get this off my chest.

ppps: NO, my life is NOT always as Sadistic as my blog posts. It is just the blog's duty to listen to my innermost. . . .feelings and pains.

Pppps: will Update soon about my life and UNI.

VENTING OUT

2009-11-30T05:24:00.006+08:00

--------------------

I can't sleep. Dawn is here. I am still waiting for an answer.
Or maybe all I'm lacking is abit of courage.

I'm tired of makin decisions. I really am so tired.
For once, can I just be put in2 an INSANE WARD?

Tie me up, Feed me what I should eat, and tell me what to do.
Rid me of hopes, dreams and plans, that I may escape the constant torment of it's shadows.

Because then, I will have no fear of failing , of being rejected, of hurting right?

*sigh*

I know. I guess, we are not meant to be robots.......But sometimes, I really wish we were.

p/s: i'm just being a coward when it comes to decision making sometimes. ignore.

----------------------------

THE 6 AM BLOG POST..

2009-11-29T05:58:00.003+08:00

I should not have eaten junk food an hour ago. All it did was further stimulate my stomach to groan for more food. And NOW, because of that I am more awake than ever, thinking of food at 5:30 in the morning, AND cringing at every 7 letter word that crosses my mind. This is SUCH a wrong time to be awake.

2 more hours till I leave for the scrabble tournament in South Perth, and my brain just cant SHUT UP. Thanks to the glucose party I had this morning. Did I mention, I just LOVE DORITOS?

Clearly, blogging about this does not pull my attention away from the tournament. I don't know why I'm feeling nervous. Maybe it's because I havent played in a tournament for a long time, but I honestly like this feeling. The anticipation, the mystery, the adrenaline. Something I have not felt for a long time since I came to AUSTRALIA. :-(

Anyways, a brief update on my life :

I am currently free from the clutches of college and Pre-U studies. I have no intention whatsoever to start my chapter in University, in fact I dread it to the utmost extent. Unfortunately, like most "malaysian teenagers", going to University is not really a choice. We are 'expected to either GO if you have the money, or work your butt off for a scholarship if you dont. If you fail, that is the end of the world.

LOL. Just kidding. It is not the end of course. Life is much more than this. :) Much much more...

And so, what are my plans now that I'm free..?

I've been job hunting for the past 3 weeks. Sent out like a gazillion (twenty) resumes all over Perth's city centre, around the suburb we live in and the neighbouring suburbs too. Job hunting can be pretty daunting, especially when you constantly face rejection and also especially when you travel aaaaaalllll the waaaay to some unknown place, and gather aaaalll the courage you have to put on a confident smile as you walk in a restaurant or cafe filled with Aussies to ask for a job. I mean there's nothing wrong with that, their not racy or anything. It's just that in the work scene, employers can be really picky. -.- And for girls like me, with black hair and MONOLIDS, they ALWAYS check to see if 'I can speak fluent English.' See how appearance play such a big role? (sometimes)

Some people say when searching for a job, "Its not what you know, but Who you know."

It is annoyingly true. Sometimes, even if you 'sell' yourself well, write a good cover letter and try to decorate your resume as much as possible, a family member or best friend of a seasoned employee gets picked over you. The next thing you know, the position is filled by someone who sent in their resume weeks later than you did, but got the job due to reccomendation from an employee. How very sad.

Nevertheless, I really want to praise God because, after all the tiring waiting, I finally got a job response! And so, I'll be heading for an interview tomorow. The best thing is, this pie shop is located in the neighbouring suburb and takes only 10 minutes to reach by bus. I just hope I don't screw this up. :)

And if I do get a job, I won't be coming home to Malaysia so soon.
My family will be going back for 2 weeks on the 2nd week of January, but I'll be here, in Perth, waiting for my University application results, and hopefully when it comes, I'll have a clearer direction of the next step I should be taking.

So, this is all for now. I'll definitely post soemthing if I am coming back. (most probably mid of next year)

Yes! I managed to kill time and divert my mind from scrabble. :)
I'm going to bathe and leave soon. I'll maybe blog about the event if I have time to. :)

Wish me luck.

KNOWING IS NOT ENOUGH

2009-10-26T18:42:00.008+08:00

Today was a tiring day. I got back my results for my trials. (that is why it was draining)

As I was heading out the library today, all prepared to start walking the 10 minutes walk to the bus station, it started drizzling. Wearing a three quarter pants, slippers, and no hoodie, (I thought it was supposed to be spring-summer??), I was forced to walk as fast as I could, hoping I wont get blown away by the strong winds, or get drenched from head to toe.

because I had my day planned out, I knew I HAD to catch the 4.30 bus. I was determined to finish reading a pile of chemistry questions in the one hour ride, hoping that by the time I get home, I'll be able to take a nap, before starting a proper revision session. I knew I could'nt miss the bus. I just COULDNT.

I was getting nearer to the bus stop, unfortunately, the rain started POURing. At that same moment, I walked past this very sandy area (supposed to be a short cut to the bus stop), and started regretting I took this route. My legs were slowly coated with brown, mucky, stains, and my feet, erk... -.- I was quite discouraged because I was so determined to make this day productive (no I have not been using my days wisely), and the unexpected pouring rain just Got in the way. I started worrying I wouldnt make it in time to catch the bus. And so, I Ran.

By the time I got to the stop, my legs werent so pleasant looking, but thank God, I had 3 minutes before the bus arrived. So, I wiped off some of the dirt, and started searching my backpocket for my BusCard (has similar functions as a touch&go card) That was when I Realized, it was No where to be found. I searched my bag a gazillion times, I knew deep inside, it fell down somewhere on the way, but I just did'nt want to accept that fact. I felt like I've gone through too much to miss this bus! LOL. (and I could'nt afford to ruin today's plans as I had limited time left to buck up in my studies) And so, there I was, the only person at the bus stop without a hoodie, drenched and searching frantically for her imaginary buscard.

The bus came, and the bus went. My card was not to be found. I looked back the path I took to come all the way here and thought to myself, "It's too late! If I go back, to find for my card, I'll miss the next bus and I will have to wait for half an hour for the next one, in this freakin weather!" I checked my wallet for coins, and realized I did'nt have enough for the fare. >.<

Great. Looking around, there were 2 other girls waiting for the same bus. One of them was on a phonecall, talking animatedly, full of gestures and a big frown on her forehead. Na-ah, not the right timing. And so, I decided to ask the other girl who was texting. When I told her what happened, and asked if she had any coins, guess what was her response? She started laughing like crazy, and said, "I also did not board the previous bus because my Buscard was out of credit AND I realized I did'nt have enough money. Soo, I'm calling someone to pick me up now." WOW. Of all Days and people. -.- .. Just when I thought all hope was gone, I saw my friend from afar at another stop. Well she DID LOOK exactly like my friend... from afar. And so, I started walking towards her, with a smile of relief on my face. As I reached her, to my horror, what seemed like a friendly stare, suddenly looks like a quizzical, 'who-the-heck-is-this-smiling-lunatic' facial expression. I appologize and said 'I thought you were my friend.'. Embarassing.
Walked away, dejected, hopes gone.

I suddenly felt really really angry, and utterly annoyed. Angry at myself for being careless, and annoyed with the fact that this all has to happen today. I was so frustrated, I felt like shouting out loud and crying like a baby. Like a childish , kid, or spoilt brat. I just felt like not doing anything..

then I felt a small voice telling me,
....

"This is your problem. You think you can mend all the broken pieces, whenever you break something, but the truth is you really can't. Until you accept your mistakes and the changes life brings, and learn how to be OPTIMISTIC in situations like 'these', you will forever remain this unsatisfied child, sulking away because life just did'nt go your way. Life is not a video game where you can "Restart" every level until you achieve "perfect scores". It is not a Diary, where you can invent your own perfect tales and memories...

GO BACK THERE, AND FACE YOUR MISTAKE. Don't restart your game by getting a new buscard. (eventhough its really cheap to get a new one) Because no matter how many times you 'replay the game', your life is NOT going to be PERFECT, and YOU KNOW IT. Knowing is not enough, you need to FACE it. "

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at that moment, I really felt like I was slapped hard on the face. So, I started retracing my steps, (the storm was getting heavier), walked past the muddy area, pass the whole carpark, pass the student houses, pass the field, pass the basketball court, pass the second field, and FINALLY, I spotted something WHITE (with digusting black spots) on the ground. My Buscard buried in mud. At this point, I started laughing like a maniac. Standing there, under the storm, drenched, my terrible exam scores in my bag all wet, I laughed like there was no tomorow. I never felt....happier.

You guessed it. People were staring at my disgusting appearance, when I reached the bus stop, but, I was feeling too weird to care. I don't know. It's weird. I just feel like this incident helped me release and accept the other things in life I am now trying to 'replay' in order to get rid of the mistakes. Or, maybe bury them unconsciously.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Got in the bus, and instead of studying, I decided to continue reading this book by Arthur Wallis I started on recently. I relocated the last page I read, and it was the chapter 4 -"Helping our weakness." It all looked abit clearer..

an extract from the book,

{ Elsewhere, he (Paul) speaks of other experiences that brought home the same great principle, as when he prayed unsuccesfully for the removal of his 'thorn in the flesh', and God said, 'My power is made perfect in weakness' (2Cor 12:9). When the Holy Spirit brings home to us this truth of our insufficiency, we shall bow and accept it, and prove with Paul that it is not out of weakness that God's power is made perfect. Even so in prayer, 'the Spirit helps us in our weakness'.

Some know 'the rest of utter weakness' and others only know the striving of utter weakness. The one is a thing of faith, the other a thing of works; the one a thing of the Spirit, the other a thing of the flesh. It is, after all, only the pride of our own hearts that causes us to rebel against this innate weakness, to strive to escape from its clutches and attain a place of strength, of independence, of self sufficiency. it seems to cut right across our efforts to achieve self-significance. How wonderful it is when we discover, often through the discipline of repeated failure, that this weakness with which we seem to be permanently saddled is not 'the end', but a new and wonderful beginning-the gateway to heaven's resources.}

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that extract just really striked something.
*still thinking about it.. *

and as usual, i realized I wrote too much, long winded, and once again my thoughts are jumping from here to there. I wonder if I read this back one day, if I can actually piece them all together and understand what I'm trying to say.

but reflecting by blogging does help me think clearer...
when we're standing in the river of deliverance, everything just looks so messed up.
but thank you God for sending your Son and the Holy Spirit..that no matter how messed up we feel in this battle, there is always someone interceding for us..

peacing out,

----to the books. Last 2 weeks to freedom.----------

Obama declares swine flu outbreak a National Emergency

2009-10-25T12:39:00.001+08:00

NERDUNICE RUNNING IN FULL FORCE (or at least is trying to)

2009-10-18T00:40:00.003+08:00

My last MOCK paper will be on the coming Monday. Then in 2 weeks time, I will be sitting for my FINALS (weighing 50% of the whole course)

Mood atm : really frustrated because I can't seem to concentrate as much as I want or need to on my studying. It's not like there is much distractions around me (except from the internet), but I keep thinking about Post-Exam Possibilities.

yeap. got bored and distracted while studying human biology, thus the randomly,stress-inspired, scribbling.. -.-

All the best in your college examinations Yoon Jhen~ and Lee, all the best in your Finals too.

I'll be waiting for my results in December, before I'll decide wether to fly back or not..Will inform you guys.=)

p/s: I officially dread Winter! I find it a torture. Summer is coming very soon. and I just can't wait to feel the warmth on my skin again.. Missing Malaysia's weather so much.

Sometimes, we'll just never know until it's too late.

2009-10-18T00:35:00.001+08:00

Even their own medical professionals would'nt give it to their own children.
Finally out in the open? hmm..

O.O

2009-10-08T22:15:00.001+08:00

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/6187320/Snake-with-foot-found-in-China.html

my MICROLIFE

2009-10-04T19:45:00.007+08:00

being the humans we are, it is so easy to unconsciously switch to our 'avoidant personality disorder' selves with God.. Until we grasp the wonder of His grace, will we ever overcome the fear of rejection.

today the preacher preached the same passage that I was reading on yesterday.. John 21..it was a really really meaningful message..

I thank God that

no matter how minute you/I feel in this world,
no matter how ashamed you/I aream of the past,
no matter how much REJECTION you/I have faced,
no matter how much you/I have changed because of the pain. .

His grace is more than ENoUgH..

Our role is to LET GO of the past. Let ourselves heal & ACCEPT the new.

it takes time to forget the shame.. yes it does... but at least we are not alone.

M.Skoryk - Melody (violin, piano)

2009-10-03T22:09:00.001+08:00

:-) . . got tired of studying. . .

enjoyed this. another young and talented human being.

A WEB OF UNCERTAINTIES, BRINGS GREAT EXPECTATIONS.

2009-09-29T05:57:00.009+08:00

I am finally able to map out my plans. I almost drowned in this sea of never endless 'academic routes', and I almost died trying to find something that can fit into our current financial limitation, and that would promise a fairly good income. (it's a bonus, if it was my dream job) Too bad, it is far from a 'dream job'.

These are my Plan A, Plan Bees (hopefully i'll find something here), Plan C, and Plan D.

I know all you see is 'Science, science, health science, and more science.'

You know, I've never imagined myself ever stepping near the health science sector. All the way through junior high until the day I sat for my SPM, I had a totally different plan in mind. I had a different mind map mapped out in my diary. And the worse part of it, was that I was So confident I would achieve those plans. Needless to say, circumstances change all the time, and I had to face the consequences of my idealistic views of career choices. The move to Australia has definitely turned me to a whole new direction. I was reluctant to accept this at first, but I realize the harder I fight, the longer I'll be stuck in this crossroad, and the longer I'll suffer. I just have to let go my past.

It wasn't a pleasant journey, and I can't say I'm enjoying the ride right now, but one thing I know I've learnt, that is to accept the good of what 'change' can bring, instead of wallowing in my sandbox of fallen sandcastles, and blaming unadaptability.
I'm trying ... hard, to expect the unexpected.
to face uncertainty,
and trust there is a reason for all these changes.

I'm suddenly reminded of Steven Curtis's song, "Great Expectations". Love this song.

The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thougths and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Savior of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and...

We've been invited with the Son
And we've been invited to come and...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations

Invitation to the Thirsty

2009-09-17T23:28:00.014+08:00

I look in their eyes, and I see, a deep dark well, of emptiness,and purposeless dreams.
I wonder, how long have they been carrying out life like this?
I wonder wether they are still searching?
or, have they become immuned to the dark after being stuck in there for so long?

I look at their eyes again, and I know theirs is not much different from mine.
I'm tired, and scared. Pained and scarred.
I have found. But everyday I still wonder if I am strong enough to keep searching till the end?

I am not much different.
I have just decided to let go, and recieve the invitation of grace.

Isaiah 55

" Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.

"Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

Are you thirsty for Love? Forgiveness?

PURPOSE?

............................
.......................................

"my Word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Learning To Be Spontaneous

2009-09-16T18:59:00.007+08:00

OH KAAYY~ I realise the title is'nt spontaneous at all.. I don't HAVE to remind myself that I should be spontaneous, I should JUST BE spontaneous while writing this right? Okay, so this post is going to be a spontaneous one.Whatever pops into my mind, will by typed out. Just thought it would be good to update my blog after ages with a more 'normal' post about a 'normal' day in school. (I realize my last few posts were very EMO.)

So yeah, I just came back from college. I have to say I've never felt so good in my entire life. My friend, Nerdunice (my other half) says it's the endorphins thats giving me that sense of euphoria. You must be wondering what this NEW drug is. I reckon everyone should give this drug a chance, once they do, they will be stuck to it for the rest of their lives. This drug is none other than "Exercise". . . . Yes, you heard it right. Not Ecstasy. ExerXAaiisee. . . . The one activity that never fails to give an optimum adrenaline rush, apart from roller coaster rides and for some like Lilian, (bloody, and horror Play Station RP games).

The day started of well, and Nerdunice was already drafting out her to-do list for the day in the morning. After screwing her oral test due to her other half misreading the test time table, she knew she had to patch things up today. So, she decided 2leave school very early (12.35pm), in order to study at home. She was so excited because she knew THIs time, she would finish studying the whole chapter on organic chemistry, the chapter she has put off too many a times. As the afternoon drew near, Nerdunice quickly packed her bag, and made her way to the bus stop. Unfortunately, she felt a sudden heaviness in her bladder......... This meant that she had to turn back, walk pass the gym, to go to the nearest toilet.
Oh, the sight of the gym! A disgust to her eyes! For she knew the sight and even the sounds of bouncing balls would ignite her other half, her enemy, the reckless, and impulsive one. The one who assumed her oral test was at 3.30 instead of 3.00 and caused her to loose 25% of her marks! "All my effort put into preparing, wasted!"

No matter how hard Nerdunice tugged on my conscience, she couldn't pull my eyes away from the golden orange ball. It was marvelous! It shone gloriously like the sun, and smiled seductively at me like nasi lemak. I knew I had to leave, before I lose control. Just as I managed to tear my gaze away, I bumped into Matt, all dressed up in a jersey, and basketball shorts at the vending machine.

"Eunice! Want to play basketball with us!?" *shuffs the ball in front of me*

and That was the fall of Nerdunice's army. Her strategies had failed. Liutenant Guilt launched an attack a little too late.

So, yes. I gave in, and decided to have fun FOR ONCE. I decided to be SPONTANEOUS with my daily decisions. My life has been dominated by Nerdunice ever since I've came to Perth.
Who's nerdunice?
She's an introverted, shy, fearful little lady, who skips lunch to study alone (because she can only think clearly and function in silence). Who constantly wonders how it would it feel like to camp overnight in the college library one day.. who spends 90% of her college free time in the library..Who writes to do lists twice, sometimes thrice each day.. who avoids social gatherings because it wears her out. Who consistently keeps up with her research, at the same time doubting every conclusion she makes (no matter how good it is.)

Nerdunice has been slowly invading my life to a point where I started freaking out. I remember asking questions like, "What am I becoming? Is this actually the real me? If it is, how on earth did I manage to go through those things in High School?"

I thought I had 'myself' ALL figured out. Boy was I wrong. 've come to a conclusion that, we are the ones who decide who we want to become. Similar to the famous quote, 'I think therefore I am'. Once we are convicted heart and soul that we have potential to be the Next American Idol, we would relentlessly pursue the auditions each year with a confident smile, and some groovy moves. (william Hung??? haha)..UNTIL...someone slaps us in the face, or threatens to push us down a cliff, we will never wake up from a deep conviction. Unfortunately, not all 'convictions' we experience are true, some are just plain made up lies, that gradually leads us down a dark, empty pit. I think it's important to discern these destructive 'convictions' of ours. The faster we spot them, the better. If not, we will be digging a deeper and deeper empty pit, just to fall into it one day, Fast and HARD. I really am so thankful, that I have God as an alarm clock to remind me when I'm digging in a wrong spot and as a reliable compass to find that buried treasure.

Now, the problem with being spontaneous when blogging is that I will never ever STOP because I am pathetic at summarizing my thoughts. I can see that my thoughts are all over the place, jumping from one thign to another.

I'll just end by saying I found the ingredient I've been missing.

EXERCISE!!! =)

When your depressed and stressed up, your adrenal cortex is probably releasing too much adrenaline, and you're not using it up. By doing this, you're just gonna end up feeling frustrated easily for no reason. So, put that energy to use! :) Don't let your adrenaline go to waste. hahaha. Oh ssheessh! See how Nerdunice is taking over my life!!

thats all I have to say in this spontaneous post. (not really).

till the next one.

=)

Nothing Else Can

2009-09-01T00:29:00.001+08:00

nothing else can help me out from this world Oh Lord, except you. Not drugs, not false confidence, not fame, not even death... for I am made of spirit O God, and my spirit is dead enough, my transgessions cloud my reasoning. Nothing in this world can carry me out of this pain, for my soul will still lie in torment, years after my death. Only you can, only you....

Hear my cry Oh Lord, as I cry out for strength. Sheild me from the arrows that come my way, but give me faith and boldness to move forward.. I need you...
Lord, I seek you righteousness and peace. Do not give up on me, for you wrestle with the sinner's heart, and are a God of mercy..

Family

2009-07-13T04:01:00.001+08:00

I have lost my touch of keeping in touch with people.
something tells me its going to be one looong year...
anyways.. I'm on my second semester holidays right now and I just felt like blogging.

Esther jie and dad came over to Perth last week. It was good having the family back together again under one roof after ages. I realized the importance of each member in the family and their vital roles as building blocks of support and encouragement. The absence of even the quietest member in your family can make the biggest difference in the home. For some reason, things in the home was less tenseful and, more.. how do you say it... 'complete', when all of us were together.

I remember how years ago, my elder sister used to be labelled the 'rebellious one', and how I used to watch the whole process of it with curiousity,her, a teenager as she enters the realm of adolescence and adulthood. Esther is strong blazing fire. My mum was cold water. They're as different as fire and ice, yet the whole household 'survived IT". (the arguments, shoutings, common issues of a mother-daughter relationship). Looking back at the situation, I'd have to say, things woul'dnt have ended well if Dad's unemotional practicality did not interfere in the conflicts erupting between the two of them. At the same time, Esther would'nt have been able to stay sane if she did'nt have her annoying little sister (me) to listen to all her frustrated complaints and her cry for freedom. Eugene on the other hand being the only boy in the family, would'nt have enjoyed the best of his childhood if he did'nt have my younger sister Evelyn to play with or to share his 'anime-cartoon-japanese-songs' interest with. He probably would have felt extremely lonely.

Now, as I sit in my room, wiping my eyes after just having an argument with my mum, I start to understand how important everyone in my family is to each other. One thing for sure, I'm definitely undergoing that 'adolescent' stage, and after 6 months of living without dad and Esther, I could clearly see how vast the difference in the atmosphere of the house with and without the two of them. (esther and dad). When they came, things felt... right.With their presence, I feel like the right 'system' for a family to function is suddenly established. I finally had someone to share my fire with and both of us benefited in striking a balance from Evelyn's serene, and calm personality. Eugene on the other hand gets the best of both worlds! and Mum doesnt have to face the pressures/ stress of decision making, alone now that daddy's here. I'm realaly quite surprised to observe the changes that took place in the house when they came over. Amazed to be more specific.

"A family is like a ministry." - Pastor Graham Johnston said about a few weeks ago.
In the family, everyone plays a role, everyone is significant. Everyone affects the direction of growth in each individual.

I guess it is really quite true.

2009-06-21T22:16:00.001+08:00

....................

" Time is free, but it's priceless.
You can't own it, but you can use it.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back."

................

Lead me to the Cross - Hillsongs

2009-06-13T00:07:00.001+08:00

FREEZING

2009-05-23T00:02:00.001+08:00

Today was the second time I've experienced a heavy rain in Perth. Winter is coming, and if i'm not wrong, we're still in autumn. and yes, i'm freezing right now.

am starting to get used to all the traveling now.. though at times I'm amazed how I can survive with jeans, slippers, and a thin sweater everyday as I travel to the south for college. Never saw this stormy, and chilling weather coming. Never saw these 'trials' coming too. but, today, as I was traveling in the bus with my friends and wiping my damp, stringy hair of my face, I looked out the window, and a beautiful rainbow was so clearly painted on the sky. Never saw rainbows this close before, and the layers were strongly distinguishable for each colour.

I guess I never saw many things coming.
I failed, I hid.
I was a coward and I was blind.. but now I see.
I see that He keeps all His covenants.

Thank you for your mercy and grace.
There is none like you.

Psalms 27 " One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek.. that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple."

p/s: I'm glad I chose to open my eyes before it's too late.

Thank you friends fr your encouragement be it thru skype or mail. :) God bless you all.

2009-04-25T13:55:00.002+08:00

I know I promised to update my blog in the holidays, Ferlynne, Lilian, but I have to say sorry, I won't be updating it yet! I am actually in my last week of my semester break. My break ends next wednesday.

I did try my best to blog with the time I have, but I can't seem to think of what to blog.
Nothing would come out.
and..yeah, my dad came over during the 1st week, and I went out alot with my parents to have a look at some buisness outlets. and.. I think I'd prefer to email you guys for now.. :)

when I'm ready... to blog.., then I'll blog ok..? :)

Seriously, too much things , I ust dont know how to put into words.. and I really tried to blog. but, i dont know. just don't feel comfortable blogging about stuffs that are happening here yet. =)

maybe I'll get a private blog, then its easier. ..

Take care ya all....

I'M STILL ALIVE

2009-04-17T13:29:00.003+08:00

*speechless*

anywayz, i'm still alive. and hopefully will post something informative soon.??

to be honest, i have only taken one picture since I arrived. very sad, but true..
anyway..

God Bless..

and thanks Charlene, Yee thong, phoebe,, and everyone back home who prayed for us and who are still praying for us.

p/s: My blog is in a total mess.. Lost all my links, my display picture went *poof* into thin air. Seriously, it looks pathetic.

10 DAYS LEFT....OF ********????? (if you dislike emo posts, don't read this)

2008-12-17T05:22:00.019+08:00

The flight has been confirmed. I will be leaving on te 28th of December, midnight. I just realized, I have 10 days left here in Malaysia, and the worse thing is, I have not finished emptying my room, more like havent started. I have not managed to even have a proper conversation with any of my school friends about this matter, except for Charlene. And we havent bought the things we need to get before leaving.

This week, was a very long week. I know it's not even the end of the week yet, and it's only a Wednesday, but it already felt like forever..
From the day the news came, till now.. so many things rushed pass my mind, but I felt so helpless. It's like, I feel so out of control of my life..and like I'm just going with the flow. My mum is feeling the same way, and so is the whole family. But as time passes, I'm starting to understand what is happening, and what 'will' or 'may' happen when I'm in Perth. The long hours of reading about the education system, looking at maps and the schools there, did at least give me a little confidence and control of this really shaky bridge I'm walking on. Wether i'm choosing the right path and subjects to uni, I don't know. But, one thing is for sure, I need to keep myself from fearing the uncertainties ahead and from loosing the trust I have in Him.

Apart from being one of the longest and frustrating week of my life (worse than SPM) >.<, it was also one of the loneliest and painful ones. Friends are busy. I am busy. Our available days clash. I'm tired of people asking me, what am I going to do there. I'm tired of people asking me WHY I'm going there. I'm tired of people telling me how I should be uber grateful and not fret. (As if i'm going there as a rich princess and getting whatever I want. Its totally opposite)
I'm tired of people telling me to move on with life. (as if I don't already know that). I'm really tired of being PUSHED around, of being judged by insulting words, of being cornered into a dark dead end, and interrogated with questions I cannot answer. And when I don't answer, the interrogator forces an answer down my throat.

Most of all I'm tired of people asking me whats my ambition.

I used to be able to answer that question, but circumstances change. I have answered them before, and it hurts everytime I have to talk about it. It hurts even more to know so many people couldn't remember what I told them. I know I'm out of my comfort zone, and I know it's time I start adapting to the changes that are about to take place. and eventhough I've surrendered, it's time I learn how to surrender even more.

There are times, when I use to think and ask God.

"God, what else have I not surrendered to you?"

and I would feel contented when nothing came into mind. But not long after that, He tosses me out into the dessert and I start searching for food and water.. Giving up and surrendering my search for food and water, He then tosses me into the raging sea..

I know... I can't always be a baby..and that I can't always be crawling or moving around in a pram.. I know the journey of growth is long... still so much to do in this life...

...................................
....................
..........
....
Psalms 37 : 4
dear Lord, help me hold on to your promises.
I know you have not forgotten me. You have not forgotten everything that I have told you. Friends and men will fail, forget, leave, but You never will.

**************************

What I really feel like doing now is leaving as fast as I can. The earlier the better. I'd rather not say goodbye face to face. An email would be better right? The faster we detach, the easier it would be. The less the memories, the easier it is to build new happy dreams over there.
I sound like I'm angry with friends. Actually, I really don't know. I may be.. and it may not be their fault. Maybe I should have told them what I felt earlier on, instead of keeping it all in.
I guess now it's a little too late to do that. Nothing's too late, but not all friendships can be mended in just 10 days. (excluding the time needed to pack up)

Okay. This was a very emo post...

but, yea. I am feeling really emo, and I totally don't feel like coming out of the house at all or meeting any friends. I just feel like hugging my sisters, and forgetting that I have friends to say goodbye to. If I say goodbye, I don't think i'll be able to leave this place peacefully. >.<...

man..whatever...

p/s: I don't think I'll be planning any meet ups with friends anymore. I don't have the time and energy, plus I think everyone is too busy anyway. So, if there's anything, just call my house phone from the 23rd onwards.

days I wont be in : 19,20,21,22,27.

till the next update...

THE UNEXPECTED CALL

2008-12-11T14:43:00.004+08:00

The visa approval came on Esther's birthday. Yes. Yesterday.

I'm still floating on air, and am unable to grasp the fact that we're going to leave on the 30th December.

First, he said January, now its December. What............

I really don't know where to begin. I'm still involved in the performance in BTS, and I rejected so many invitations from friends because of the singing performance. I kept in mind my dad's words, "Just live life like normal and continue with whatever activities you wanted to join. Time will tell. You might have until March to enjoy."

and BAM!

now I'm leaving at the end of the month!!??

I havent even treated Aunty Judy to the many lunches I owed her, havent visited Melissa, havent stayed over Yee Thong's new house, haven't gone to play basketball for the last time with school friends..etcetc..

I can't even make it to our last class reunion BBQ.

CRAP.

I won't be taking my driving license here.

Don't know what to say.

* speechless*

This is just a post to update about the Aus thing. I guess one of the easiest ways to tell.

I guess my whole "December-Holiday-To-do List" will have to change.

I'm going to start scrapping off things..

* no I'm not excited about it. *

Closer To You

2008-12-02T00:53:00.001+08:00

IN MY OWN WORLD

2008-12-02T00:20:00.002+08:00

I wish I could cry when I leave school, but I couldn't. I remember always wanting to leave school, and I would say, leaving school was one of the happiest day of my life. (there's a very valid reason to it) but not a very positive one. lol

............

Too Tired to smile?

Look up, and you'll never know, you might see the sky smiling back at you. haha.

That was exactly what happened today. I came back tonight,from somewhere, exhausted, and my limbs were aching. Just felt really 'in my own world', stranded in some foreign land. Felt a little disappointed due to changes that interrupted some of my important 'plans'.

then I looked up at the sky, and saw a cresent moon, positioned horizontally (at least from my view), and two stars above it. There were no other stars surrounding these three. It looked exactly like 2 eyes, and a big smile.

I thought I was being over sensitive, or emo, lol, but then one minute after that someone messaged me and urged me to look at the sky, saying, "It's a smile!!!"

Another friend David, said his parents said it was like 'God smiling down at us', and his whole family came out to watch it.

Sadly, after 20 minutes, one of the 'eyes' started fading, and got covered by clouds. and the rest slowly disappeared, i mean slowly got covered up.

cool.
This is the first time, I've seen such a thing.
It just made my day, made me laugh and smile uncontrollably after seeing it. At first I was like WOW, and then slowly, I began to feel it had a comical look. LOL.

**********

thought of the week...

Sometimes we face loneliness and abandonement, because, He wants us to have a heart of flesh and not of stone.

signing off.

COUNTDOWN

2008-11-01T18:46:00.002+08:00

Yes, we have finally reached the 10th day before SPM!

The best of luck to everyone in advance!!!!!

Keep moviiiiinng ooonnn and don't give up!!!!

*sighs* I've still got so much to study, but hopefully we'll all be able to find comfort in this quote,

"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the ways things turn out"
-John Wooden-

and

27th November, is getting nearer. *jumps*

So, see ya SOON. ;-)

bye

RAINY DAYS

2008-10-19T22:38:00.004+08:00

My interest in photoshop is slowly coming back...but I would say at the wrong time.
I found this picture and loved it so much! so, I added the "missing you". haha. (one of the easiest things to do on photoshop is to add words) That was the 1st thing i learnt in photoshop.

A simple picture that fits these rainy days so well.

It's been raining every evening and night, and the scorching sun never fails to play it's part in the day time. Argh! Extreme weather!

Sighs.. I really miss the good ol' memories, and I really miss HAVING FUN. I don't know. Somehow I think I've turned into an old, grumpy monster, who finds it so hard to smile and laugh, or even crack a joke.

miss Abby, Sok man, and all the basketball times.
miss Toong Shen's char kuay teow!
miss my form 1-3 Ruby friends.. (Hm,we're all so near, yet so far huh?)
miss the meaningful and open conversations we used to have.
miss my dearest sister..
really miss reading story books..

and most of all..

I miss the old ME.

these few days were stormy. A teribble storm was going on inside of me too. *lol. emo post again?* haha.

many times, I guess we often wonder, and question things about ourselves. Our personalities, our friends, the way a church is run, the iritating subtle politics that we sometimes see in churches, and also even in our circle of friends. I guess there is a reason for everything, and my duty is to wait and be patient. Thank God that storm is subsiding, because, I really felt like exploding... durign quiet time, I just came across these verses..

Isaiah 45

"You heavens above, rain down righteousness;
let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide,
let salvation spring up,
let righteousness grow with it;
I, the LORD, have created it.

"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker,
to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground.
Does the clay say to the potter,
'What are you making?'
Does your work say,
'He has no hands'?

"Woe to him who says to his father,
'What have you begotten?'
or to his mother,
'What have you brought to birth?'

"This is what the LORD says—
the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker:
Concerning things to come,
do you question me about my children,
or give me orders about the work of my hands?

It is I who made the earth
and created mankind upon it.
My own hands stretched out the heavens;
I marshaled their starry hosts.

And then, He goes " I will......., They will...."

That just reminded me of the promises He has for me..
yes I should not and will not question Him.

Isaiah 45

For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
"I am the LORD,
and there is no other.

I have not spoken in secret,
from somewhere in a land of darkness;
I have not said to Jacob's descendants,
'Seek me in vain.'
I, the LORD, speak the truth;
I declare what is right.

Isaiah 64

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.

Do not be angry beyond measure, O LORD;
do not remember our sins forever.
Oh, look upon us, we pray,
for we are all your people.

***********************

I guess I will have to accept the "New" me. There is a reason, there is a purpose, and most importantly, I believe there is a direction.

GOSH.

3 weeks to SPM.

TRYING HARD TO FOCUS!!!!

All the best to everyone in advanced , I won't be here until SPM is over.

Goodbye and Goodnight!

THE DANGER OF HANDPHONES

2008-10-13T16:03:00.008+08:00

About a month back, I realized that I was quite sensitive to the handphone. Whenever I put it near my ear, I get this buzzy, like, headache, and my head feels fuzzy. and when I talk for only 2 minutes on the handphone, I get a headache, and I can feel the area just beneath my ears are hot. Even when I message, I feel different. It must be the radiation from the hp lar, but a month ago, I became more sensitive towards it. I don't know wether it's the type of hp I'm using, or my own head's sensititivty towards it, coz, I've just started using this phone for about 3 months.

Anyway, was just googling and came across this article. I've read something similar to this quite some time ago, but I think it's a great reminder. Even the way we live, and the food we eat now determines how our health will be in 10 years time. Hm, by the way most Malaysians are eating........ *sighs* I'm also trying to improve my diet. Not "dieting" but changing my daily diet. haha.

********

(09/02/08)

A new review of more than 100 studies on the safety of mobile phones has concluded that cellular devices are poised to cause an epidemic of brain tumors that will kill more people than smoking or asbestos.

The review was conducted by neurosurgeon Vini Khurana, who has received more than 14 awards in the past 16 years, who made headlines worldwide with his warnings. He called upon the industry to immediately work to reduce people's exposure to the radiation from mobile phones.

According to Khurana, research demonstrates that long-term use of mobile handsets, more than 10 years, can double the risk of contracting brain cancer. While a number of studies have concluded that there is no such risk, Khurana said that most of those studies only examined short-term use. But because a brain tumor can take 10 years to develop, studies without a long follow-up period are largely meaningless.

"There is a significant and increasing body of evidence for a link between mobile phone usage and certain brain tumors," Khurana said, a link that will be "definitively proven" within 10 years.

Khurana urged people to minimize their use of mobile phones, particularly handsets. He also urged the industry to act immediately to reduce exposure to radiation from the devices.

While mobile phones may save lives in certain emergency situations, Khurana said, brain cancer is "a life-ending diagnosis."

"It is anticipated that this danger has far broader public health ramifications than asbestos and smoking," Khurana said. While one billion people worldwide smoke tobacco, three times as many now use mobile phones.

Smoking is responsible for five million deaths each year.

While the United Kingdom's Independent newspaper described Khurana's study as "the most devastating indictment yet published of the health risks" of mobile phones, his warning is not the first. A Swedish study in 2006 concluded that people who used mobile phones for an hour or more each day had a 240 percent higher brain tumor risk than non-users. Tumors were significantly more likely to develop on the side of the head where the phone was most often used.

Inspired in part by such studies, France has warned against mobile phone use (especially in children), Germany urges people to minimize their use of mobile handsets, and the European Environment Agency has called for minimizing exposure to cellular radiation.

The mechanisms by which mobile phones increase cancer risk are not well understood, but several possibilities are suspected. Electromagnetic radiation (EMR) is known to directly heat up the head and brain, and can also cause thermoelectric effects on cells and DNA. According to Khurana, even bluetooth devices and unshielded headsets merely turn the head into an antenna that bombards itself with radiation. Children, with thinner skulls than adults, are particularly at risk.

"EMR rays in general cause irritation, concentration lapses and in many cases even proliferation of cells which cause cancer," said Dr Rajeev Ranjan, a New Delhi neurologist. Radiation can also interfere with the functioning of medical devices like pacemakers.

EMR also "affect[s] the DNA and cause[s] problems in cell recovery and cell growth," said New Delhi neurologist Anshu Rohatgi.

Khurana warned that if immediate measures are not taken, mobile phones will soon be responsible for a massive public health crisis.

"We are currently experiencing a reactively unchecked and dangerous situation," he said.

Because mobile phone use began in the mid-1980s and it can take up to 20 years to diagnose a malignant solid brain tumor, he said, "In the years 2008-2012, we will have reached the appropriate length of follow-up time to begin to definitively observe the impact of this global technology on brain tumor incidence rates."

"Malignant brain tumor incidence and its associated death rate will be observed globally to rise within a decade from now," Khurana said, "by which time it may be far too late to meaningfully intervene."

Sources for this story include: http://www.independent.co.uk/, http://www.dnaindia.com/, http://www.stuff.co.nz/.

Confused

2008-09-27T18:00:00.005+08:00

So many questions, so many hopes, so many views, so many opinions, so many colours, so many thoughts, so much NOISE...in my quiet, room.

As I was clearing my room today, my mind was as messy as the room itself. Looking back at my old diary entries, and the letters of encouragement of a christian friend, made my thoughts run even more quickly.

"Why do you make things so complicated"? I hear a voice say.
and sometimes, They too, ask me.

"Me? Making this complicated?! What do YOU actually define SIMPLE then?" I would always challenge back, in an angry tone.

Angry or not, I don't always get my answers, and not even clues to the mystery struggling to solve itself in my head.

As I write all this now, the answers are slowly dawning upon me. But new questions come up again. I know I'm supposed to just stuff everything, in this old, dusty, sack, tie it up with a rope and throw it back into the "IGNORE" section in my head. But its hard to, and it hurts, because, they are all intertwined and connected, the good, the bad, and the 'maybe-good-or-bad'. It's either I chuck EVERYTHING in, or chuck nothing at all. This daily decision, is becoming harder and harder, more painful, and more frustrating to make.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

That word came back into my mind, "BROKEN",

a word, that can actually define what this whole year was like so far, was really like.

I learnt that I needed to let Him break me, in order for me to grow. For faith to take control even more. I asked for it and didn't regret it. So next time we pray earnestly, "Lord, I want to know you more, and be more like you, help my faith to grow...", we'd better get ready for the gigantic waves. Waves. This reminds me of something my dad shared in a Bahasa service. It was December 2004, just after the tsunami. He said that we should be building our house on a strong foundation, and I remembered Him using a tsunami as an example.

Sometimes, your standing strong, and rooted in the foundation you built, but the waves are so strong, that eventhough you know you're not going to fall, you're so tired of those waves crashing and hitting on u. it feels like you're so broken, and you can't go on anymore, but He thinks otherwise.

I guess as the year is coming to an end, I tend to want to wrap all these broken things, and everything that has happened into one box, and put in a clean, pretty, neat shelf, like what I always do when the end of the year is coming. but I realize today, I can't do that now, or maybe, not anymore.

I realize, this is not over yet. The word is not "BROKEN", but "BREAKING".

He's not done, not in this particular area, not yet.

I really need more of His strength and more understanding of His word to guide me. Sometimes, I have all the words in my head, but, no guidance, or I can't see which way it points to.

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

I pray that He'll help me to choose and let the right kind of wisdom direct me...

-just releasing.

Happy Holidays.

UNWINDING HERE

2008-09-16T17:44:00.003+08:00

I realise people are doing LOTS of tags and tagging other people during the exam period. Maybe it's a way to unwind themselves. Now that I've tried it after 2 hours of Biology, I can say it did do me good. Lol. Made me remember and laugh of the times in the past when I did this tag.

List 15 little known / weird things or habits about yourself. or your life.

1) I'm a crazy, fan of PEANUT BUTTER. I once ate 7 tablespoons of huge chunks of peanut butter by itself for breakfast in a buffet. (Mummy had no right to stop me!)

2) I used to love the "Barney" shows so much, and I still remember and sing all their songs. -.- *i KNOW.. >.<*

3) I have this really, scary, furious temper that comes only when I'm trying to sleep. I can never sleep when there's ANY sound at all. Even the rustling of papers. This applies when I'm at home and anywher else EXCEPT.... SCHOOL! (the perfect place to sleep. even sounds don't affect me).

4) I've always had short hair eversince I was a baby until mid this year.

5) When I was 12, I tried to throw the basketball from the "free shoot line", and the ball didn't even touch the ring. Whatmore, I tried too hard, and I fell frontwards, flat on my face. Big wound on my knee, where the scar is still visible. Everyone in the court laughed at my ridiculous act including my sister and her friend. Can't believe it right? Sometimes the past can be so ironic.

6) I like the number 3 and 13, and I still don't know why. Someone tell me!!

7) Both my palms do not have lifelines. (It still remains a mystery to me.) Anyone with the same case?? Tell me!

8) I have a book, in which I write names that I would like to use to name my future sons and daughters. *hahahhaha. NO, I'm not that keen in gettign married. Just scared I forget the names. Lol*

9) My dad and me are the only ones in the whole extended family (mum and dad's side), who does Not have double-eyelids!!!! :'( ... why...my brother stole mine! lol..

10) I LOVE Scrabble as much as I love basketball. o.O

11) My two toe-nails, and my right thumbnail, came off, and I mean the Whole nail came off this year. All three in the same year! (how it happened, LONG story. email me if you really want to know the disgusting details. hahahahaha!)

12) I always had constipation problems when I was younger. and used to sing worship songs, in the toilet for long sessions, believing He'll help me. "Thank YOu Jesus" was one of the famous ones. I know it's really weird... now that I think back of it, I understand why God asks us to have faith like that of a child's. lol. Someone tell me WHY I'm writing this here? >.<

13) In my 5 years of playing basketball, I never once owned a pair of basketball shoes..not even a basketball. Aih.. now leaving school already, now only mum offer to buy them. swt.

14) I have this bad habit of taking and doing things in halves at home. Halved tissues, half plate of rice, half table spoon of sugar, half-written songs. :-S

15) When my room is half messy, I like to mess it up until it's REALLY messed up and then choose a day and spend the whole of it cleaning my room. It gives me this weird satisfaction.... >.<

If you knew at least 5 of these things, that means you know me quite well.
If you knew none of this, I don't really blame you. lol. It's just weird to tell people these things in daily conversastions out of the blue. this is a tag for the "little known" things anyway.. so.. yeah.. now it's known i guess?

*runs back to study cocoon*
ALL THE BEST for BIO and CHEM!
Buhbye and God bless.

A STUDENT WHO CHANGED THE COURSE OF HISTORY

2008-09-10T18:09:00.003+08:00

and the student was me! What a pride. LOL. but of course, a student who changed the course of history was probably taking an exam.>.<
and Yes. It was History today.

4 subjects down, 7 to go!! and I'm already losing my stamina. Pffffffftttt.....

I have been having sleepless nights.
Today, when Debbie said that her conscience always attacks at night, it hit me, that its the same for me too. The "realization" of the importance of this exam attacks every night, (the time when I'm usually most wide awake) , causing me to lose sleep. lol. However, I barter my worries for His peace every night, and His peace always wins. AAh.. I can never imagine how I'm going to control my nervousness without His help. I'd probably freeze in the exam hall if it was'nt for Him.

Lesson learnt :
I need to stop living a nocturnal life and start practising humanlike sleeping habits.

yeah man! But I'm happy that I did not depend on coffee at all this time!! :) I guess the fear for SPM gives me enough andrenaline to keep me awake. hehe

Was reading some stuff and I found this. LOL. It's so funny! The question requires the student to explain the meaning of the quote or idiom.

Now, this student really changed the course of History! lol. Read on.

It's like, he's been watching too much movies. Bits and pieces of imagination from "the last samurai" movie. haha.

All the best to the SPM candidates!

Hot Hand with Keyboard

2008-07-23T18:21:00.001+08:00

on the keyboard too?? O.O ! ookay..... *wide eyed*

Hot Hand Guitar Solo

2008-07-23T18:20:00.001+08:00

This is so cool..!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO AND GOODBYE

2008-07-22T01:44:00.004+08:00

I've lost count on how many days there is left to SPM.
I've lost my brains studying for SPM.
I've lost my stamina for sports.
I'm loosing my nerves pretty soon. (oh, I can so feel that frustrating sensation boiling within me)
AND
I need to loose weight. (not desperately lah. Just.. miss sweating out! Don't feel healthy at all being glued to my study chair, and nibbling on something every 15 minutes!)

It's JULY ALREADY!!!!!
JULY.. you know?? JULY????
I still have....... probably 50+ chapters more to study! (ok that was a wild guess by the way)
But, trust me, I have ALOT to catch up on. Now, why would you not? ( Its always been this way.)

Many things has happened, and many more are about to.
First of all,

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SUET HUEY, MY DEAREST, FRIEND!!

I did not get to wish you on time, because as usual, my memory system is really fussy when it comes to birthdays. But nevertheless, I had fun at your birthday party last week. :)

Yeah, had fun, eating, talking, joking, laughing, snapping pictures, and of course, flooding my stomach with almost a litre of orange juice in 30 seconds~! Now lene, THAT was fun! I almost vomitted there and then. Thank God, none filled my nostrils. (that was what I thought would happened when start laughing. Ugh! lol)

Ng the Birthday Girl!!!!

Yee thong and Me

Quotes Charlene : "This is how we look like during History class"

Quotes Charlene : "This how we look like when we go insane studying. (I'd say, more like frustrated. haha) I don't know where I got that new, constipated look from.. >.<

Finally the one pic where all of us look sane. =)

Okay.

Now, I'm starting to wonder why and for what reason am I awake now, in front of the computer at 2 am in the morning, blogging. O.O .

I've just revived my friendster page after 3 whole years! Since Form 2, it has been almost dead. I also went looking around in friendster and at profiles of friends I have somewhat forgotten or nickname's of those I cant recognize in my friend list. Quite surprised to how much I have learnt from visiting their sites. I HAVE REALLY lost touch with them!

You know, I always wonder wether I'll have friends after I leave secondary. To be honest, I have never felt completely or fully connected in school. I mean, I join the activities, help out, talk, make friends, but never to the extreme when it comes to 'friends'. Hearing my sister (aus) tell me about her views on friendship, I can't help but question the relationships I have right now. I know many can't seem to tell who, or what type of person I am. (in school) Maybe because I don't open up much. I can be really crazy at times, but darn quiet when I want to. The funny thing is, I'm SO different when I'm not in school. (not in a bad way lah..in the good way)

I realized the friends that God has placed in my life, (friends of whom I can fully connect with or be myself) are mostly all not from Kajang. From other places. and I always do question Him, about this matter. Johor, malacca, KL, australia. They all live so far away, yet, I put my hope and trust on these friendships. I do wonder sometimes wether it is worth it. But I know, it's not the quantity I want, but the quality. Then again, what if these friendships don't turn out well? Who will be your friend?

Okay. I don't know why on earth, I'm writing about this, but it was just playing in my mind. And was just thinking about what Esther said recently about 'friends'. I am confident about my views on friendship, but wether these friends exist, I don't know. I always meet someone whom I can connect with in camp, or some place else, or sometimes even Kajang, but in the end, that person forgets me. Sometimes, we share a memorable event together, but I am then taken away, back to Kajang, and its really hard to communicate, and eventually, the friendship fades away. I do hope God would give me friends who live somewhere nearby, and not too far away. Funny.

Anywayz, I guess I won't be updating my blog for a long time~!

Trials - September
SPM - November

I'm back to studying.

btw, I have a dog!!! :)
7 years old, Spitz, white and hairy~

Bibi sleeping..

Bibi playing with her favourite soft toys

She's really active and fierce to strangers.
Stupidly brave at times, and doesn't know how to take care of her own safety.

For example, it was just last saturday. I accidentally left the gate open, and without realizing, I released Bibi (the previous owner named it Bibi) from the leash. and OUT it ran! Actually, If it was'nt for me screaming and chasing after it, it would'nt have ran out the gate. I just panicked! I'm not yet used to having a dog at home, and every doggy event that happens in my house is like a big deal to me.

It ran out, and ran all the way down, 7 houses away. I ran after it, screaming "BIBIIIIIIII", with my dad's slippers on my left and my mum's slipper on my right foot! When I was finally 1 metre away from Bibi, a big brown dog, belonging to one of my long-time ago tuition mate approached it. Both of them made eye contact for 5 seconds and the brown dog suddenly snarled and growled fiercely at it, showing it's teeth. That moment, I really panicked! I was praying hard that Bibi would be smart enough to walk away and not do anything stupid, and guess what. She snapped back at him!!! When she did that, I almost fainted!! They started fighting alright, and I kept shouting "bibi", hoping she would run back into my arms, but I knew she was too stubborn to. I was scared because Bibi is so small in size, compared to the other dog, which was initially a stray dog.

The 2 dogs, fought for about half a minute, and I was watching it all, helplessly, and suddenly, the owner came out of his house. I remembered, I was like tongue-tied, and wide-eyed with shock, that I could only utter one word when I saw him.. "HELP".

He commanded his dog to leave Bibi, and it did. but stupid.. oh so stupid Bibi, didn't want to give up until the fight was over. She continued to follow the brown dog, and kept barking at it. I slapped my face, watching it's stupidity, but secretly admiring her courage. As she continued risking her life, the guy continued to command his dog to leave, whereas I continued to call Bibi, and run after her with the leash in my hand. His dog obeyed, mine did not. ARGH. I was so frustrated.

Bibi started sniffing the other dog's butt, and the dog snarled at her again. SHe kept sniffing. and then, the situation became hilarious. Instead of the brown dog fighting her now, it was running away from her. Bibi kept chasing after it, and sniffing at it'd butt! They both finally came at the edge of the drain, and the brown dog looked cornered and fearful, but Bibi, still sniffed at it's butt! At that point I realy couldn't help laughing!!! Finally, I shouted it's name with all my might, and tried to get hold of her collar..Thank God, I managed to hook the leash on her before she runs any further down the lane. I tell you, I wuold'nt know what to do if she runs away, or get lost. I won't know what to answer to it's previous owner who really really loved her. They had to give her away because they were shifting into an apartment that forbid pets.

She was a little unfriendly at 1st, but now she's almost like a best friend, who's tiny little paws greet me everytime I come home from a stressful day of school. I'm starting to love Bibi!

ok. I guess I'm going to tidur now.
Good night and all the best in studying fifth formers~!!

Eunice

Faizal Tahir - Mahakarya Cinta (APM2008)

2008-07-10T22:00:00.001+08:00

One of my favourite songs now. He's really talented and creative. Mahakarya Cinta was one of the 5 best songs chosen for AJL (Anugerah Juara Lagu) In the 5, 2 songs are from Faizal's album. He really did take the stage during One in a Million. *claps to Faizal*

p/s: one of the male contestants sang this song in the solo singing competition. His version was really good except the chorus after the bridge, where he pulls the "Cintaaaaaa"... Gosh, that totally ruined his performance. Until now I still pity him though because he was actually rerally good. aah..

anywayz..

Lyrics :

Begitu berat melangkah
Melihat kau bersamanya
Adakah aku yg salah
Atau hanya helah saja

Ku masih mencintai diri kamu
Walau kau menjauh
Ku rindu

Kau bagaikan udara
Yang membantu aku untuk terus hidup diatas dunia
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak berdaya
Kerna kau mahakarya cinta
Hoo..Hooh

Biarpun kau tidak mahu
Menerima kasih daku
Ku kan setia bersamamu
Sehingga ke akhir waktu

Ku tetap menyayangi diri kamu
Biar kau berlalu
Ku rindu

Kau bagaikan udara
Yang membantu aku untuk terus hidup diatas dunia
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak berdaya
Kerna engkau mahakarya

Kau takkan dapat aku lupakan
Kerna kau lah punca cinta kita
Mengajarkan ku erti bahagia
Temanilahku semula

Kau bagaikan udara
Yang membantu aku untuk terus hidup diatas dunia
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak berdaya
Kerna kau mahakarya cinta
Hoo..Hooh
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak berdaya
Kerna kau mahakarya cinta

Dengarlah pesanan daku
Yang masih akan menunggu

A GREAT END TO A NEW BEGINNING

2008-06-12T21:15:00.003+08:00

These 3 weeks were crazy.

So many things. It seemed like it was taking forever then..but now, all is just calm, and peaceful.

To cut the long story short....

WE GOT 1st IN DISTRICT!!!!!!! and we beat Damai Perdana!!! (Puan Leong's school) We were so happy, and couldn't help wondering whether they were actually better than us last year to be able to get 1st place. (This was because, the judges went to the choir team's schools respectively to judge. It was really quite unfair. ) However, thanks to the great team spirit of the choir this year, we DID IT !!!!!

It was one of the best moments in our lives when our team was announced as winner. The tears of relief, and joy that flowed down that second seem to have washed away and erased all our sorrows, tiredness, and disappointments, replacing them with new hope and a sense of unity. Thank You God........

However, we entered State Level the following day, and tried our best. We were among the 9 schools in Selangor, and it was a tough fight. We did not get a placing.. :( but it wasn't a disappointment to us. It just felt like a distraction in this journey we're travelling in. But nevertheless, I believe that Convent Kajang choir will reach their destination and in the coming years will be improving and shining bright once again!

Just a little info about district :

- Kajang High school participated. (1st time)
- 3rd placing was Yu Hua, 2nd Damai Perdana. and 1st .. You know WHO.
- Held in UPM
- 5 secondary schools participated.

about state :

- 3rd placing was Catholic High. (Their conductor won the 'best conducter' title )
-2nd placing Seafield
- 1st...Kepong! (they;'ve been winning for 3 years straight, until last year! But I guess they managed to get their title back. Cheers for them! They were good, though not as good as last year. Their male singers and bass parts, are rlly good.

Will update more with pictures and vids.. when there is time laaa... Go Lene's blog. She will surely be the 1st to post the pics up. hehe. www.sweetielene.blogspot.com

*sighsss...* Oh well. It's been a long long ........ I can't really say day.. Maybe, year..? All these choir adventures, and laments have been happening for quite some time. I guess Its really time to SETTLE DOWN. FOR REAL.

What is this sun that conquers mountains
Singing over what has been asleep?
What is it that softens all my doubting?
It's you

Morning brings a hunger for new eyes
That have been covered by the hurt of yesterday
Who could create in me the vision of a little child?
It's you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do

When I have been a victim of familiarity
When my heart has fallen into sleep
Healing is the voice that awakens me
And it is you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do

You, you make me new...

I love this song from Bethany Dillon. and it really just is one of the best songs to end the day. :)
Love you Phoebe, Charlene, Yee thong, Joanna, Joanne, Debbie, Lian Ee, Veronica, Arul ,Jeeva, Soo Min, Wei Jane, Chooong!, FerLynne!, Shyuan Mey, Nisha, and everyone else.. Not forgetting the terrific form ones and 2 juniors who did really well for their 1st time! Congratulations to everyone in the choir team who managed to get something out of all this.

It is just a GREAT end to our last year here in Convent Kajang, and we are sure, a New Beginning is about to happen soon. :) May these sweet memories linger in our lives during the good and bad. Cya'all in school..

and THANK YOU GOD once again for everything!

Convent Kajang rocks!!! (eventhough we're such a small school with insufficient human strength, but our dreams and unity is what drives us forward!) Go Convent!!

INSIDE SOMEWHERE

2008-05-23T02:00:00.007+08:00

JUST THOUGHTS and feelings...

Its 2:30 am and
just ... sighs..
Its so sad to see, the true beauty and meaning of life fade away in this world.

Really.. are your worldly passions, talents, wisely-planned goals, really that important to you? Will they really bring you a happiness that will help you paint a beautiful life, or are they deceiving, and are actually just a speck of dust in the air? Is this common phrase , " I Love _____, and _______ is my life! Nothing else can satisfy me," actually true?

" The world has changed! Its different now!".... Or is it really?
" People need money to survive now! Money is our basic need and main goal if you want to live!" or..is there something more??

***********

Everyone is competitive. Everyone wants to be independant. People do not see the importance of 'self sacrifice', or 'humbling yourself', or 'practising good virtues' anymore. They are poisoned with words of others, telling them that the world has changed, and all these values will not help them survive, unless you want to be a trampled ant, with no whatsoever recognition at all.

************

People are lying to themselves. They are confused between doing "good deeds" , " taking challenges" and "collecting fame". Are you actually plunging into that wild ride because you want make a change, or because, you just need attention?? Are you doing the favors of others, serving in church, because you want to collect treasures in Heaven, or because you love Him?

Don't say you that you don't need attention, because everyone else has a need of it.
Don't say your serving if your mind lives in a materialistic world.
Don't say you are willing to struggle because it's YOUR passion and YOUR talent, when you know clearly you're not going anywhere.
Stop lying to yourself.
Stop lying to yourself.
STOP LYING TO YOURSELF.

If it is a talent, it is from Him. If it is from Him, it is eternal. If it is eternal, we have no need to struggle to 'keep' it. But only, seek first His righteousness. Invest our talents in Him, and He will multiply it. Sometimes, investing does not mean, we have to serve..It could be that He wants us to leave our passions or the talent aside for awhile. If we are to blinded by this talent of ours that may eventually become an idol... how are we to see and learn everything we need from Him?

*************

I don't think the world has changed very much. The world is humans.. and humans make up the world. Humans have not changed. They have changed on their views on life, and the world, but, humans are still humans. Deep down inside, they feel the same truth. They long for the same, genuine, love. They believe the impossible..deep down inside.

A quiet, quiet young girl, with no large goals, just a simple dream of keeping her family together by helping out in the housework, and helping the poor. She has no job, not enough food, but she gives what she has. She died early, because she got infected of scarlet fever by one of the family members who lived in poverty.

She died early, but she made a CHANGE in many lives.
All she did were simple little things.

Are we wasting our time struggling for worldly materials, because we believe that " Time have changed and you can only make the world believe you when you are highly educated, RICH, and successful."?
Is it really true..?

You may be able to make something known to many, many people, but a CHANGE.. how many would change?? After all the 'investment put into YOUR talents, YOUR time and YOUR money'..would you change for good or bad?

Maybe we should all start making a change with the simple things in life. Everyday is a chance for change, not just "the day when you recieve your 1st award".
The world says, "We believe your greatness when we SEE your greatness."
God says, " Prove your greatness, 1st with your heart."

************

I really do not know why.. but I just felt like writing ....
it may all sound so confusing.. but..things are straightened out in my head now..

Good night and Happy Holidays.

btw...

I LUVVV DAVID COOOOOKKK!!!!!!! HE IS REALLY TALENTED AND CREATIVE! AND ROCK, ROCKS!!!! tee-hee..

Tagged and Tagging

2008-05-22T13:57:00.004+08:00

Tagged by Miss Lee Yee Thong.

and tagging :

Charlene
Yoon Jhen
Suet Huey
Debbie
Mei Ling
Lilian Lee

***************

Part 1: On the outside

Name: Eunice Tan Hui Ai
Date of Birth: 4th December
Current Status: still alive. surviving and. single.
Eye Colour: co-ko-lat. what shade of brown, I don't know.
Hair Colour: born with charcoal black but not anymore. (happens to most people
right?) I wonder. Probably the sun?.. the wrong shampoo? >.<>
Righty or Lefty: Right
Zodiac Sign: Saggitarus

Part 2: On the Inside

Your Heritage: Chineeezee
Your Fear: me
Your Weaknesses : sometimes too impulsive I guess . unecessary guilt .

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

Your thoughts first waking up: "THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!!" (I overslept and did not manage to study for my literature english exam. )
Your bedtime: 2 am. early rite? I know..(EARLY to bed, early to rise, thus makes a man, healthy and wise!) ^^
Your most missed memory: When I was an 8-year old child, who ALWAYS knew how to love, and never kept tears.

Part 4: Your Pick

Pepsi or Coke: Can I say none? (gosh who am I asking anywhere. It's just an online tag) =.='
McD's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: it depends on where the destination is. LEEE!! We should have another bowling date!!!! (haha)
Adidas or Nike: Nike =] (ONE day.. I shall buy that shoe!!! *dreams*)
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Tea hates me!
Cappuccino or Coffee: and Coffee KILLs me. ( I get palpitations) so no pick.. plain water perhaps? :(
Chocolate or Vanilla : VANILLAAA~.. (I am a chocolate betrayer. used to love it,hehe but not anymoree..)

Part 5: Do You..

Smoke: no..
Curse: *looks down* yeah sometimes, when I get overexcited. I know, I too don't really see the beauty in words like 'shit', and 'crap'.
"Dear Me!" or "Oh fickle pots!" sounds friendlier but I guess it's a fast world.
Drink : seldom

Part 6: In the Past Month

Drank alcohol: Yes. A friendly uncle was so absorbed in the art of wine, that he even gave me a tutorial on 'how to drink a good glass o' wine'. I was impressed, but couldn't help laughing at his expression of satisfactory when the red liquid flowed down his throat. He is funny!
Been on stage: Yes
Eaten sushi: No. (I don't rlly like raw food) :S
Dyed your hair: Noooo....

Part 7: Have You Ever?

Played a stripping game: NoOo.. don't think I ever will. lol
Changed who you were to fit in: no

Part 8: Age
You're hoping to be married: Like Josephine March in 'Little women', no..not yet lol. But I think I will.

Part 9: In A Guy/GirlBest

eye colour: anything, as long as his views on life are true and good.
Hair colour: the rainbow colour! hahaha
Short or long hair: Short would be good, long would be good also, but I'm affraid I
would get a teeny weeny bit jealous. (i never survive in long hair..lolz.) BUt I will soon!! and this time, it's going to work. =)

Part 10: What Were You Doing?

1 minute ago: thinking about hair?? =.='
1 hour ago: cleaning my room.
1 day ago : Having a strong desire to crush my literature paper or bang my aching head on the table. Especially when the teacher announced, " 5 MORE MINUTES LEFT"!!! arghh!!!
1 month ago: 22nd April, practising a tambourine dance for easter.
1 year ago: i was hoping for time to stop.

Part 11: Finish The Sentences

I love: God, PIZZA, music..and the 'bad times' that made me who I am today.
I feel: Tired and hungry.
I miss: Esther Jie`~!!! and I miss the simplicity of life.
I need : more courage.

Legoland's Kevin Johnson on David Letterman

2008-05-14T14:34:00.001+08:00

Darn is he great.. I wonder how long he's been practising!!

History was BAD.

but this was good.

at least it did cheer me up.

All the best in Chemistry.

toodles.

I'M STILL ALIVE

2008-05-08T17:37:00.004+08:00

SAILING

Swimming with the waves
Carried by the wind
dancing with the storm
but crying from within.
Each clap the thunder makes,
decides the route I take,
in this

vast

empty

Nowhere,

where I cannot make mistakes. NO--

I cannot make mistakes
I cannot turn around
but even if I did
I would hear the same old sound….

the whispers of the wind,
the warnings of her rage,
Her breath holds mine, my life is hers,
in this

vast

empty

No–where courage -

IS my shadow,
and relief are in my tears,

where Hope is not tomorrow

nor in those blistered years
or .. in my skillful hands,
or in my, experiences

It is from where it came from, - HERE

this

vast

nothingness

*******************************************************

I got back from school today, and just suddenly felt like writing a poem. I felt inspired after reading a book about sailing experiences in the sea, really felt moved by it and thought how sailing could relate life. I've never sailed of course! (duh) But, the book manage to bring me into the world of ocean racers. The crazy impossibilities they face, and how they felt stranded in the middle of the ocean. There were those who particpate by choice, and of course, those who don't , but tag along because of responsibility or maybe false expectations.

Anyways, was just glad that my 1st week of exam is over. Chatted with Melvin online, and he said something that got me thinkin'..

" Music will always be music, if you have music in you. "

****************************************

And YES , I agree with Yee Thong that we are like, reaching the peak of the roller coaster ride!
and will be above starting from tomorrow. after Moral exam of course..

and then comes...

the SCIEEEENNCEES....

I hope we can go " weeeeeeeeee " and just flung our hands in the air, like how we used to in roller coaster rides.

Oh well, till then.
Buhbye.
and
God bless.

HELLO AND GOODBYE

2008-05-05T23:24:00.004+08:00

* steps out from her study cocoon *

Tomorow's paper will be English. Hallelujah for that!!!!
I just wrote a 2 paged, personal, handwritten, 'dear diary' letter, to Sandy. (the diary's name. Why Sandy? long story) =.=''

But anyways, I was doing this to just get my word bank warmed up, and to REVIVE the somewhat lame, but creative crappiness in me which surprisingly, never fails to help me score in English paper 1. ( I desperately needed this, especially after days and days of NUMBERS and MORE numbers.) I even see NUMBERS in my dreams! ( Add math better be good.. :(..)

This reminds me of the last time I was obsessed over scrabble. Boy, was it a lifemare~! I not only saw letters in my dreams, even in the day time I found myself unscrambling letters! I still find it fun tho. lol.

Was surfing the net and I came across this essay submitted by a guy to some blog for comments. It contains similar points to what I was crapping in my dear diary entry.. and I could'nt help but laugh when I observed his serious, sophisticated way of presenting his points and compared them to mine. GOSH, I just realized how crappy it is. >.<
But anyways, I enjoyed reading this, and so strongly agree. =)

All the best in this study and (I hope not) flunking, marathon!

**********************************************

This good English essay was submitted by Faisal Abidi. Visit his personal blog to read more thought-provoking and insightful essays.

India is a country that is accredited for being amongst the leading flag bearers to enlighten the primitive world dominated by ignorant people. It was India that realized the importance of aspects of life other than filling the stomach and covering the bodies, man is a special animal, special because of the grey matter God provided and it was India that by promoted free and radical thinking helped in quenching the thirsty brains. But on comparing the past with the present we find a sharp contrast in terms of the quality of intellectuals produced by the country, in the mad race for materialism it seems that the basic fundamentals that made us a great country are being trampled underfoot.

Intellects are people who see the world from a different perspective and on the larger canvas. It is such people who contribute to the world hence moving it in a progressive direction as is a saying ‘Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people’. The intellectual growth of a person begins right from childhood when he starts to develop a thinking brain, when he questions the different aspects of life and the process continues till the individual survives so the primary reason for the stark decline in the level of intellect has to be improper foundation and upbringing in terms of the type and style of education bestowed upon them.

Nowadays, due to the education curriculum in practice, a lot of emphasis is given on the bookish knowledge, be it the class works or the strenuous homework, a student is confined to the boundaries of books and is restricted by the deadlines of assignments. The world is too diverse to be reduced to dull uniformities of rules. Education practice such as this pushes the student in a niche thereby closing his mind to the joys and beauty of life.

As a general practice a student is always asked to replicate the notes provided by the school teachers and swaying away from the set path leads to deduction of marks hence creativity is nipped in the bud. No student is ever asked what he likes to do or what he is good at rather the custom education curriculum is imposed resulting in mental fatigue and frustration so a student who if allowed to grow in a free environment could have contributed to the nation in a big way is transformed into a normal individual with no freedom of thought. As a direct consequence the quality of intellectuals found in our country is decreasing at an exponential rate.

The point stated above is proved when we have a look into the education system followed by the developed western countries where individuality is given foremost importance and their education curriculum is based on the same principle. As a result individuals with free mind and great ideas are produced contributing to the growth of their country in general and the world in particular.

Our education policy induces a herd mentality and hence curbs the growth of free thinking individuals who could lead to great ideas and discoveries. Small students are made to carry extremely heavy school bags harming them physically and then they’re made to follow the customary norm without expressing their feedbacks, hurting them mentally.

And now with the increase in the number of suicide cases amongst students it is clear that students are finding it tough to cope with the immense pressure of mugging up books aimlessly without being able to contribute something back. It is of grave importance to identify and combat this very serious matter else we will be living in an India where finding intellectuals would be a rarity.

I would like to end by saying that it is imperative to tackle one of the most urgent but overlooked of the litany of potential show-stoppers looming for the future Indian intellectuals.

MENGHITUNG HARI

2008-04-18T19:18:00.011+08:00

Counting the days, till mid year exam.
Counting the days till the choir competition.
Counting the days till family camp.

still counting..

and I never knew that soon, I would be counting the days till Pesta Senirama!

This week was crazy.
Just gona post something short about this week.

......

I just got home from school.
Today was the Audition finals.
5 finalists from Tuesday's audition were chosen to be audited again today, and I was one of them. They're auditioning for someone to represent our school in the solo singing competition next week.. .........
and........by God's grace and strength I made it!!

I don't know whether to laugh, or cry.
Whether to celebrate or grieve. (exaaam)
Whether to dance or just be still.
but one thing is for sure..
He was there for me, and I believe this is His idea.

I was really struggling the whole week.
Whether or not to participate in the audition?

- I had my mid year just around the corner, (in which I am NOT READY at all to face).

- The choir club's teacher advisors are getting angry, impatient, and DEMANDING. I can't blame them because it IS a FACT, that the Choir team is going through a BIG CRISIS.

- I am so left out in my studies, and I'll still have to skip classes next week for choir practises. (and we are just ONE WEEK before the 5th of May, DOOM DAY. exam.)

I had only 2 days to decide. Everything around seemed to be screaming, "NOOOO, DONT JOIN".

But,the night before I knew about the competition, my dad gave me some negative remarks. At 1st I felt he was a little too critical. We were talking about music.. and me.. and.. once again, I started crying in the car. This always happens when we touch the topic of music. It wasn't always their fault. Most of the time, it was just me. I know they're trying their best to help, but I don't really know how to make them understand how I feel. Nevertheless, lately, I have stopped trying, and not taking critiques to seriously, and just LIVE LIFE as it is.
I can't be perfect. I can't always be what I expect myself to be. I can't repair every mistake in my life. So, I'm just going to give it all to Him, because theres nothing else I can do.

As usual, getting long-winded.
Anyways, that night, I was angry. But at the same time, I knew, I was the one in wrong in the quarell.

Next day, the announcement of the competition. I instantly knew, that this was a challenge..
Could my dad be right? And so, I decided to give it a go. This time, with a diffrent mindset.

Last year, they had this same competition, and I won. However, the teacher's promise of sending me to the Pesta Senirama competition was not fulfilled. And somehow, I thought that was the "full-stop" to all this music stuff that is about to happen in my schooling years. It is said that the Pesta Senirama is only held once in 4 years. Surprisingly, they are going to have it this year again.

and... if He allows, I'll make it to the finals.

I'll be going for the Zon Kajang Level next Tuesday, and boy am I scared~!
The 1st time I sang in front of school (the funny, summarized, shortened 'phantom of the opera skit') , where I still remembered Yoon Jhen was Raoul.. lol. (Jhen, I wonder if you still remember your lines. hahaha), my legs felt like it was melting, and my mouth shivered.
I felt like I was about to go into fits. I could'nt control my heartbeat. I felt numb.
But after numerous rehearsals I started feel more in ease. I did not need to sing many lines tho. It was just, 2 verses and one chorus of "think of me", and after that, all I had to do was faint. (on stage I mean)

After that, I never sang solo in public again, until after 2 years. (thats a long time), 2 years passed, and then came 2007 ( last year) , along with this singing competition. And, YES, I was back to square one again. Melting legs, a highly potential heart attach victim, and chattering teeth.

During last year's preparation before the competition, I sang for my friends and, I sang "MANY UNECESSARY words ", as quoted by CHONG Yee Leng.

Words like..

" Oh Crap!, oh shoot!, shit..."

( I just couldnt help it)

I lacked alot of confidence, and I still DO!
I may sound confident but my expression doesn't really show it.
Lee, Lene would know how much motivation I needed last year just to brave myself to sing my best in front of my classmates. Whatmore, in front of the judges and audience.

So, I made it last year. But what about this year? Did things change?
NOT exactly. I probably said 'crap' as many times as I did last year. The worse thing is, during the 1st audition, everything was sort of going okay until I just got a little pitchy on one note, and my face JUST HAD TO start twitching, and distorting itself,
and out came the marvelous word,

"CRAP!".

*sighs* Kim you're so right. I'm going to start believing more in myself. I need to stop condemning myself, and killing my own hopes.

********************************************

there's so much to write about, but so little time.

Things have been nerve racking and also exciting for not only me but some of my close friends.
Yee Thong my bestie was the 1st runner up for this competition, (just after me.! Now how sweet and memorable can this get?) and she NEVER even thought of really wanting to join the competition. Our minds were all made up at the VERY LAST MINUTE, and sometimes I guess the least we expect, the more we get out of something.

And thats what I'm learning to do these year.
Don't put too high expectations on a certain thing.
I know sometimes I can be a little too extreme. Always throwing my whole heart and myself into something I feel really passionate about and forget my family, but BALANCE is always important. Being in CONTROL of our emotions is one if the biggest challenges we have to overcome.

Talking about emotions,
I'm going to really need God's help. If I dont depend on Him, I won't be surprised if I forget all my lyrics and go blank on Tuesday.

THANK YOU
Yee Thong, Lene, Phoebe, Amanda and Lis for encouraging me. I know I'm annoying when my mind starts condemning myself with my weaknesses, but I will try my best to stop saying "crap" the next time I sing for you guys. lol.
and

Also thank you Ng for being there. =D.. And for caring..

Btw, Congratulations to AManda, Phoebe, Melissa and Lene for winning the "group singing" category! I guess we WILL BE GOING there together next week.

**************************

Now, I have 2 days.

- buy an outfit, a long skirt and some girlish shirt. ( * distorted face * ) :( No, I do NOT like the idea of this, but, I guess rules are rules. Actually, was there even RULE, saying gurls should wear LONG, uncomfortable skirts when performing..? (i know. BE LOGICAL. OKay, I'll stop ranting)

- get the minus one of........ I haven't made up my mind. (song)

- build my confidence. (this is the scary part. those who know me, will know I have a low self esteem. crap.

*****************

I'll just end this very messy post with this bible verse that God has placed in my heart. But recently have I only really understood what He meant.

........................................

James 1 : 2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

'may be mature and complete...lacking in nothing.' I was not strong enough. I was weak, fragile, faith. Thinking back, 2 years ago, If I were to face whatever is happening this year, I would have failed. Many times I ask, " Why not now? Why did I miss it? Why did you not let me know about it earlier? If you had let me gone down that road, woudln't things be better right now?"

I guess, He always has an "appointed time" for things to happen. He knows us MUCH MORE than ourselves. and when his appointed time has come, we will be strong enough to face it, because we obey Him, and persevered.

" 5- If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6-But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7- That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 -he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. "

Submitting to Him does not only mean laying everything down at His feet, but also seeking what He wants for us, and depending on His wisdom to move forward and not our human mind alone.

Depending on His wisdom COMPLETELY..
He will be awfully sad when we give Him our trust , and snatch it away after awhile. And that, we always do.

Do you remember the last time someone gave you an important task (to you and her) to do, and expressed their trust in you? If you did, I'm sure would have taken the task, you must have worked and put in your best to obtain the best outcome.

That is what God wants to do when we give Him our troubles. In fact, He is already working on it right now, trying His best and creating one of the most beautiful projects of all time, but sadly, in times of fear, we interupt and just take back the task we have given Him. Imagine how He would feel when we constantly do that. How would you feel if you were in His place?..

I remember this was the 1st verses I memorized in my teenage years. (the period when I started getting serious with Him i guess). And I would say fear has been crippling me in this past 6 months. and so, I started doubting more and more. Loosing the battle to fear, when indeed we are supposed to be the victorious ones.
Its not too late, and yes.. I'm going to try my best to move forward and face my fears.

Just ... some things I've been pondering on about for quite some time. Till the next post.

God Bless.

A SWEATY APRIL FOOL

2008-04-01T20:04:00.011+08:00

I do not know why I posted these images, but I just felt like looking at a flower.
Today my dad recieved this HUGE bouqet of roses and baby-breaths.
They were STUNNING!! SO pretty!

And, mum left me the job transporting these flowers into 2 vases. I was excited, but did not know where to start, because I've never done flower arranging before. I enjoyed it eventhough I wasn't really sure how GOOD it was. (since it's like my first time? >.<>It seems.. somehow relaxing. and I'm still in love with those flowers! *sighs* too bad it won't live forever. They have not bloom yet, and I'm waiting for the day it will.

TODAY, we had our district level basketball competition in Yu Hua.

* exhausted * relieved *

and I'd say the One April Fool that i would remember for quite some time.

I guess cause its the LAST TIME ever, I'll be playing for school. and being the last day, it also brought back many memories.

I still remember how I felt during my first game. Everytime I think about it, a memory chain of events starts flooding my mind. * aah. sighs*

Just can't believe, I'm in Form 5.
Will post about the competition when I'm free.
TAlking about being Free, I'm so glad this day is over but there is always a tomorow.

TOMORROW, school starts. : '(

- I'll have to find my missing pencil case.
- My missing notebook containing some of the most vital stuffs!! argh!!
and

start planning the vigorous choir practises. It's going to be a tense month again. aih.

- I almost fainted when teacher told me the date of the Choir competition.

24th APRIL!! BAM!! just like that! Why do they not inform us earlier??~~ sigh
and 5th May is our MID YEAR EXAM!! God I need your help!!!! so muuchh!!

Anywayz, I had a great time today. And I'm glad my list is much shorter now that basketball is out of the story. I will always treasure the memories... *sniff sniff*

The last time I'll ever wear this jersey. *sighs*
Gosh. whats wrong with me?! Whats with the emo-ness! SWT!

Back to school! and GOOD NIGHT!

HE ROSE ABOVE ALL ELSE

2008-03-23T22:55:00.005+08:00

Easter and our church anniversary was celebrated all at once together, the 23rd of March.
Many things happened throughout this whole process of preparation.
The day did not start well for me, and I left the service with unfinished buisness, and unmended relationships.

Sometimes, things just pop out in a sudden, out of nowhere.
It's like how it feels when youre running a, say, 200 metre race, and you can clearly see the end line at about 20 metres away. You try to run with full force and place your head upfront. You were like an angry bull pacing towards it's target. You were doing fine, until, you dropped the baton.
There goes the victory.
There goes the hopes of your team.
What would the Coach say to you? After all your teammates have sacrificed?

*****

A rude remark , an angry word, a violent strike, can never be taken back. It's effect can last far longer and weigh much heavier than we could ever imagine.
Maybe we are the ones facing these hurtful words. Maybe we are the ones carrying these painful accusations. Maybe we are the ones being stepped on, and runned over , over and over again.
There is a limit to a man.
There is an optimistic turn to anything, but stinging problems are never leaving us too.
My temper just had to flare today.
in fact, everyone's temper.

*****

Problems may not be solved whenever I want them to be.
People may still be hurt.
Hearts may still be tied down by past baggages.
Our weaknesess may look like they're taking control of our lives,
but
He rose above them all.

The day His blood was shed,
when He was crucified among the people,
He won HOPE on our side.

All our failures, our wrong moves.
The fights we started, the hearts we broke,
The day we met an accident,
the death of a loved one,
the impossible dreams we carry,
The pit we have fallen into COUNTLESSLY.. that we feel like we've been drowning for years. Buried deep in dirt for so long.. the time when it seems that we deserve only death.

His death proclaimed "hope".

And when He rose,
It was not just from death.
It was not just to prove He is the Son of God,
but He rose so that we may know, the battle is won. Victoriously.

He rose, above ALL else.

*****

2008.
I feel like I've been walking in the dark.
There are only small, lights glowing upfront. The kind that resembles fireflies. One second it glows brightly, and the next, it doesnt. Tired. Scared. the walk seems diffrent.

It hasn't been a good start, and neither was Today.

but I know that He is in control. And all THIS CHAOS was the main reason why He died and rose again.
don't give up because, the victory is in His hands. Thats if you choose to follow Him.

Blogging really helps me reflect n get my thoughts and emotions in order. I hope you had a good Easter service. (even if there were fights and quarells) In the end of the day, He brings us above them all. Just like "Still (Hillsong)". He's the King above all floods. Good night and have a great week.

SECRET RECIPE

2008-03-20T17:00:00.002+08:00

THIS WAS EXTRACTED FROM A FORWARDED EMAIL MESSAGE.

Dear Friends,

this is true. A friend of mine also saw similar occurrence in the Tanjung Aru famous goreng pisang. What they do is, they cut the straw into small pieces and throw them into the boiling oil and when the straw melts they start frying the pisang.

Unbelieveable!!!!

BEWARE OF FRIED FOOD

This is a REAL TRUE STORY ...and also Saw Loon told me it happended at her place in Kedah ..tunjang..i think..

It happended to us too, in PERLIS (titi chai kangar..the pasar
malam area where they always selling GORENG PISANG at noon ..)

Mom said , my uncle saw that when they fried the GORENG PISANG they added the STRAW ( which we use to drink water) and melted into HOT OIL before frying that's why, the GORENG PISANG, GORENG
UBI..etc all very crispy for hours....

And, my uncle could not explain why, and he asked them , they
just keep quiet..and then when my uncle told my mom, and we
realized this is how to make the foods crispy for a while..
my mom said, be careful of Thailand stuffs too
eg: Crispy Ikan Bilis, Crispy fried onions ..which if u leave
in the open air for hours still stay crispy..

Like in CANADA, our place only, we only have rain 5-times or
less a YEAR.
so , if we leave our bread in the open air overnight, next day it will stay crispy...otherwise it will never..because too moisture there. but in Malaysia, it should not because here is very dry..

Pls forward to all your friend..
DO NOT EAT CRISPY FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
esp from the hawker !..
Try leaving it in the open air for hours and see..

Here's another one:

The world is changing, I read some news

oh my my...

not only the Chinese are wicked but everywhere...
I have been to Cameron Highlands with my family,
It was 3 pm ++
We were hanging around the market area, we saw many hawker
stalls doing their business, suddenly something attracted me...

One of the stalls, there was a big wok of oil and there was a
half-5-litre empty oil bottle on it!
It was melting slowly in the hot frying oil... I freaked out,
I thought it was an unintentional act by a 7-yr-old girl ....
but when I looked at it closely, I saw a pair of chopstick
stirring the bottle.. seemed like it was done purposely.
Immediately I asked my family to come and check it out... at
that moment, the parents of the girl who sat beside, were
looking at us ferociously.

Oh my god... they were using melted plastic to fry food...
the reason is that the tit bits will not soften after placing for
sometime due to plastic had been harden after melted.
Experiment had been done as below.
One without plastic -
food is kind of soft after a while
¼ add plastic, and fry another once again... it crispier than
KFC !!

Please stop eating this hawker's fried food...

Ask your mum to fry if u want to eat..
This is their secret receipe ...

LIFE IS FUN, NO?

2008-03-19T00:21:00.007+08:00

I've been hearing lots of grumbles lately. The worse thing is, I THINK I'm turning into a grumbler myself. I really do wonder wether it's because of how frustratingly, stressful life has been getting lately, or wether its just ME, craving for a chance to just BE ANNOYING. Someone, slap me in the face, shake me like shaking the Oh-so-heavenly, cheese-shaker in Pizza Hut, pinch me!! Just do anything to wake me up from being miss Grumpy!

Just got back from Physics, and once again, that "SPM" alert button is flashing violently, right before my eyes. My original plan for April-May, was to go on plenty of Nerd-dates with my Books. Furthermore, our second monthly exam is WAAAAAAYYY too soon from now. In other words, I'm just NOT READY! These asthma-like SPM attacks have been visiting me very often this month, especially after seeing my seniors collecting their long awaited results.

I'd have to admit, 2 months ago, I was pretty confident that "I could make it" through this ONE. Pretty confident I could use just ONE month to transform myself into "budak rajin", and kick all those 'daydreams' out for a while. AT least until SPM is over. I thought I could conquer my 'TO-DO LISTS'. I actually started of the year passing up my FIRST EVER properly written BM karangan in 3 years! That was a good start right..??

So.... what happened ??

jeng jeng jeng..!
and She meets the longest snake on the board aaand there she goes, wOoOOSH-INg down it's tail! "OH!!', she cries, " I'm back at square one??!!" *blunt expression*
Anyone who can roll a dice and score high for me?

THANK GOD our lives are not depending on a single dice. or on luck. If it were, I'd probably be......hmm.. disqualified from the game. (wait, I do NOT believe in luck..so, I shouldn't even be predicting what it will be like if luck actually holds our life in it's hands.! =.=') *Slaps face*

I'm just scared of what may be, with the school choir about to experience a stage of revival. (Which is something we all hope to achieve this year.. and something I've always imagined would happen. 4 years ago, when Esther told me about the 'good ol' days' of SMK CONVENT KAJANG choir who won 1st in state, beating Kepong! It was so hard to imagine that they actually were invited to sing on tv, not just that that, getting Free genting passes and rides given to each member just for the sake of singing!) Those were 'HER' days. I really want to create OUR days and not leave without something good behind for the younger ones. At least thats what I feel and hope to achieve, but things are just getting tough spiritually and emotionally.

I guess every single thing has it's ups and downs. One year, everything's like green and refreshing, and the next, it's just a piece of barren, dry wasteland. Talking about 'dry', I feel totally drained out due to the basketball trainings we've been having. ANOTHER "out-of-the-plan" thingy that just HAD TO come in the way. I promised that I would drop basketball. And I actually did!!! (for one day) . =.=''''

I know I sound like I'm grumbling but I'm not. In fact, now I really feel like thanking Lilian who persistently persuaded me to not back out in my last year.

I guess I did learn something from this. Funny. I was SO 100% sure and confident I would not fall for Lilian's persuasion that night. Whatmore, this has got to do with
" BasketbalL' - Chapter ONE in "The adventures of Eunice's secondary life".

I walked into school the next morning, and passed by the group, uniformed in the oh-so- familiar white jersey pants. A flood of memories flashed through my mind. Nevertheless, I STILL had the power to say NO. But...suddenly,

a calloused hand rested on my shoulder, followed by a deep, fatherly voice. I turned around and came face to face with a pair of tired, and disappointing eyes. Nevertheless, I could feel a small twinkle of hope as I hear him speak. He still had hope for this team. He still cared. Eventhough he was almost jobless, he still came with sincerity. I had to give in to Coach Quah...

I know I have this tendency to be over fearful of failure. I realise I always say, "It was'nt the right time, its not the right time." or "I really think I should do it.. BUT..."
and because of this, I procrastinate. Too affraid to take that one step. Afraid it's not the 'perfect' move. and all this is pulling me down from doing what I'm supposed to do, at the same time, decreasing the productivity in my life. FEAR. I need to overcome that.

and my 1st step is to play for my last time this year!
I know it will clash with my other activities. I know I will not play as well as 2 years back. I know I may embarass myself. I know that I've lost a lot of stamina and I know I'm scared. I know it will drain my energy and really take away my concentration from class. I know it'll give me terrible muscle aches and cramps, and increase my need for sleep. I know it'll cause the Easter week to be a crazy one for me. I know it'll make me skip classes very soon. And I know my exam is darn near~! but I know... that HE BROUGHT ME THROUGH IT BEFORE.

And I'm trying not to worry about tommorow, easter, the tambourine dance (which I know so little of), the piano, my studies, and my literature exam (56%) ..>.< , that friend whom I know is disappointed with me and whom I never got the time to speak to yet, the unfulfilled promise I made since months and months ago...

No more worrying about tomorow but let it worry about itself. For who by worrying add a single hour to one's life? quoted from Matt 6 :25-34. Writing here now, just helps me clear my mind.

Till then, goodnight.

MANY THINGS ARE REAL, WE JUST HAVE NOT MET THEM ALL YET

2008-03-12T21:42:00.002+08:00

Today I feel like dancing,
or floating on a cloud,
I wouldn't mind running in the rain,
or pushing through the crowd.

Today I feel like singing,
the song I've left behind.
that tune that sings of happiness
that once played in my mind.

Today I feel like smiling,
at everyone I see,
to joke, and make the silliest faces
and just laugh heartily.

Today I want to face myself
the critical part of me,
To love the imperfections, erase all doubts,
and in Him, receive security.

Just felt like writing what i feel,
before this beautiful day ends.
too little time to express how time reveals,
how time starts to heal and mend.

Keep waiting, because you just won't know
Where, what, and when,
it could be today or tomorrow,
it could be there and then.

Don't what else to say
and running out of time,
well, hope everyone had a great day,
maybe similar as mine?

Congrats to all the satisfied students who just obtained their results!! *shivers* HEEEEEELLP!! haha. Just felt lk rhyming. Gudnight and bye! Have a great day tomorow.

KALEIDOSCOPE

2008-03-01T09:48:00.005+08:00

Was browsing through 8hop, and came across one Michelle's poem written last year. I've always loved her poem and it's my 4th time reading it. Never get tired of it. lol.

A kaleidoscope of memories

Each piece as sharp as glass

Takes up residence in my mind

And I watch them as they pass.

The brightly coloured shards

As they tumble into place

Form the pattern of my life

My history they do trace.

The bright red bits are painful

They bleed out past hurts

Like the life blood in my veins

When through a cut it spurts.

The purple bits are royalty

Their memories stir my soul

The times when I did reign supreme

Were the times I achieved a goal.

The pretty little blue bits

Are deceptive in extreme

They represent the many times

I let go of a dream.

There are sunny yellow bits

They number quite a few

They represent the many times

When hope did spring anew.

The shiny little green bits

Are full of love and joy

The wondrous human contact

I was lucky to enjoy.

This kaleidoscope of my life

Is mine and mine alone

I treasure each and every piece

A life I can call my own.

BLANK

2008-02-27T17:52:00.005+08:00

BLANK

I seriously do not know whats up with me. I have difficulty finding a title for this post...??O.O

Its just a TITLE!!! and I dun even know what to write. *my previous two posts were entitled Random 1 and 2?? >.<

I tried to write a poem today, and my words got jammed! The inspiration just poofed off in 15 minutes because of the word jam. I feel like theres no more creative cells in my brain!!

Today was the last day of our 1st monthly exam.
Maybe THAT explains my condition. I tried to take a nap and all I see is " Convex and concave lenses and diagrams of reflection of light". Doctor where aaaree u???

I've been neglecting the guitar for weeks!! The first time ever, I actually forgot about the guitar lying next to my bed. Oh, by the way, Daniel Choo a You tuber has great video lessons for christian songs. DO check it out!!
http://www.youtube.com/user/jedimindless

NOW that I'm freeee from exams.. (at least for now)...I'm gonna start planning my HOLIDAY TO-DO list.

THE UMPTEENTH to-do LIST IN MY LIFE

1) EX-EEERR-CISE!!!! thanks to my cousin who gave an honest comment during our chinese new year reunion. lol.

2) Try Gardening. O.O

I bought some bunga ros Jepun seeds, aka Moss Rose (english) One of the easiest roses to grow especially in this Hot weathered Malaysia! Don't recognize the name? It looks something like this:

Now do you recognize it?? hehe. Pretty common around here.

Mum has been complaining, saying,

"You can't even cook! Look at your sister *evelyn, you must learn to do these kind of things. (she sews well, bakes well). You ar, better learn these basic things before you finish school and have no time for this! Terrible! "

argh! okay. I would say part of it is true.
One of my Holiday to-do list last year was to bake a cake,*a few posts ago, and I DID. I was too shy to write about it here, because

it turned out like this......

There. out in the open.

*runs and buries face*

I KNOW!! I've got enough PRAISES from my entire family!
I've had my own reasons to why it turned out like that OKAY! I made a mistake putting nuts on top of the cake and it burnt! *and i tink I put a little too much sugar for the topping too. Ok, I dun think you see the topping, aka the BLACK layer. >.<
Another reason was because, of ALL DAYS, the big oven tripped on that day!! OF ALL DAYS!!! So I had to use mum's SPOILT, OOOLD oven... The cover of the oven is loose. The picture looks pathetic.. Gosh, Can you see the white tape on it??!!!! WHY? I wasn't going to stand there for 45 minutes holding the loose oven door shut! I'd probably get a black layer on my face too if I do so.. >.<

oh yea.. where was I.

Gardening...

*imagines*
I hope it turns out well cause the last time I tried gardening...or tried planting something...I remember, I was 8 and tried to plant a mandarin orange seed in cotton wool, and it worked! Lol. It is now a BIG, GREEN, fruitless plant...=.='' in my grandparent's garden. I was too young to know that Mandarin Oranges are not suitable to be planted here in Malaysia. However someone wrote this 2 years ago. (2006)

Malaysian mandarin oranges in two years
Source:New Straits Times
Date: 6 April 2006

Malaysia will have its own homegrown mandarin oranges in two years. A businessman has imported a new hybrid from Taiwan and is growing the citrus fruit at his eight-hectare farm at the Veterinary Institute in Jalan Ayer Hitam-Kluang here. Called citrus poonensis horti ponkan, this new hybrid is a fusion of the normal mandarin oranges from Yongchun in the Fujian province of China and the green-coloured lemon, locally known as limau nipis.

Anybody knows wether it has happened yet? I'm just lazy to find out.

3) GUITAR!!! GUITAR!! and guitar!! (i miss it!)

4) PAINT

(I haven't touched water colour for almost a decade!!
OK. Not a decade, 3 years, but it FEELS like a decade!!
AND I think I'm giving too much attention to my left side of the brain. Its getting bulkier and bulkier and I can feel it! I don't wanna be a lopsided thinker, or a monotonous boring, human being! Just look at my post title!! my gosh. I need some cooolooouurrsss!!! Enough of formulas and Order already!!)

5) Have a NICE LOOONG CHAT with Jie on skype.

6) MOVIE MARATHON in Lee's NEW, GIGANTIC HOUSE.

I loove ur house.. the space.. fuh. You can invite the whole Kajang to live in ther with u sicne its only you and your brother.

*that was just a metaphor.. >.<>HINT for u to invite me in for a long sleepover. =P hehehe

7) READ NOVELS.

one whole stack of it on my table. I never had the time!! I don't care. This time, I won't find time. I'll MAKE time for it!

* I'll return your book soon phoeb!!!! Promise!

8) CHANGE MY BLOG SKIN!! *grumbles grumbles* I just can't find a suitable one! Any suggestions??!

9) UPDATE MY 8HOP ACCOUNT.

*abandoned it for 4 months ady!!Do join 8hop too! Its a great place to upload your writings, and get feedback from a group of very warm people. http://www.8hop.com/

10) PLAN A SUPER, WORTH IT, CRAZY APRIL FOOL PRANK!!*interested? >=P

11) Exercising PRAYER.... * a big must

12) LAST of all... STUDY?

NAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

muahahaha!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
JUST WISHING IN A WEEK ADVANCED!!!

Seeeee yah!

DECEMBER 2007

2008-02-09T14:22:00.000+08:00

A LOOONG POST ABOUT LAST DECEMBER.

I am always late! argh!

December 07' was pretty happening, compared to the 'decembers' of my past years.
December 07' was also DIFFERENT in a lot of ways.

People changed, some relationships grew stronger, whereas others were reaching the brink of an end, dark truths and personalities revealed, new people popping in and out of my life out of a sudden, and...

hmm.. it sounds like a pretty normal december eh, but, well, this is the 1st time I felt the world around me changed in every aspect. Of course, this did not all happen because of that one month, but events throughout the year. OK. and i shall save my personal feelings to myself and get on with last december's memories.

FIRSTLY,

TEMARI GAVE BIRTH FOR THE 2ND TIME!

Pretty Mama Temari eating her vege

The 6, three-week old babies

a closer view

this belongs to eugene, the fattest among them all, and also the laziest! lol
(eyes still not opened)

The only baby who inherited her mother's features.
( The one who came out the last, she was the smallest, and weakest. Almost thought she wouldn't make it)

THEN, THERE WAS THE " HOPE CELEBRATION" ...

we had it in our house.
This almost didn't happen, due to many reasons, but Thank God, everything went well, not exactly as planned...
but
well enough. =)

We only had time to take pictures after the show and prayer, that means makan time..

The food.....
Really good sushis by david's mum
PIZZA. I could eat the whole box. =.='
and some other food....

A Group picture
(without uncle zach!!! he was the cameraman who took all the pictures in this blogpost)

ESTHER was BACK!!!
from left : (David, ern yik, Ah Kong, Esther, Ah ma, Yee thong, Suet Huey, Eugene, Evelyn, Me, Dad, and Mum)

I invited 9 people,
5 people confirmed they could come 4 days before the event.
1 day before the event, 4 of them could not make it.
Glory who was supposed to share her testimony had an important event in school.
Joshua had important job on that day.
Ooi Jie had some stuff to do.
Yoon Jhen had to go to Cameron.
Yee thong's brother and her cousins couldn't make it.
and the list goes on..

Panicked on that day itself...
got a lil disappointed and discouraged but nevertheless at the end of the day, it was still good to have Suet Huey and Yee thong here. :)

Uncle Zach shared his testimony, and my grandad! He prepared his testimony a month in advanced! He was really an encouragement to me..

CAROLING

Yeap. This is the 1st time, FGA Kajang is organizing a group of carolers.
When it was first suggested, everyone wasn't really serious about it because we were all worried about the Christmas sketch. It was still so Messy!! and we really had limited resources, now, with Rowena and Sharon far away, in the Kenyah villages in Sarawak, we lost an ultra good pianist and vocalist, John in NZ, and Shan with studies and responsibilities..gosh..

But nevertheless, we decided,

we should go caroling!!

and so we did..

It was my 1st time, and a good experience. Walking and singing along with the young and old.

Smileee~
(Wesley, Melanie, Eugene, Michelle)

Hey! I thought we were all supposed to dress in white?!
(behold! the colourful carolers)

the 2 good buddies getting restless while waiting for the van to arrive

Instructions from Uncle Chee Tuk whom will be leading the group

Praying, as we cling on readily to our purple, songfile.

Ist Stop was Uncle Alex's house.

The ladies enjoying a chat.
Aunty Judy adoring Stefanie's newly borned baby, pictures! (she's got a second child now and still in Hong Kong)

then we went to Alice's and Family's house.

by then, everyone was already exhausted...

we then marched our way to Aunty Crystal's home,
with much enthusiasm, we sang even before we reached her home...
then, the waiting began..
She was out somewhere enjoying dinner with her husband..

and so... we waited.. and waited
and waited

and took a group picture

and they came..~

lalalala

Her cute, but grumpy sausage dog

We also visited Aunt Maria's in laws..

I LOVE HER~!!!!
(she is a very nice, fairly obedient, cuuuuuuuttttteeee adooooraaable baby!!)

aaaaannnd.....
We made out way to Aunty Baby's home~

Aunty Baby and husband.

she's grown alot in a year.
the girl who used to be sleeping during sermons is now running allover during sermon time.
Poor mummy..

And we made our way to Aunty Hannah's house just nearby...
everyone pretty jolly, knowing it is our second last house.

and finally...
the last Home.

Mr. Chee tuk and Serene welcomed us with warm food and REST!

All eyes on the clock in the hall, just seconds before it strikes 12.

" We wish you a Merry Christmas... " (lalala)

I didn't get the hat! +(

A nice picture of the younger ones. They really did a good jjob in singing especially Eugene and Wesley!
They improvised the carols ALOT!
especially when we start to sing "Jingle Bells".
Them and their "Ho-ho-hos". lol

Well, It's a good thing they did not start singing "ther other" version of Jingle Bells. >.<
(David! The accused! He taught them the song.)

Don't know how it goes? ask someone who knows coz im lazy to write it here. hehe.

CHRISTMAS SERVICE

Shan and Isaac, handling the PA system.
Joshua must be running around doing all sorts of things at that time, thats why he;s not in the pic.

Little JAckie and Xing RU came...
I miss them soo much!!
ly, they're the most lovely pair of brothers and sisters I've ever met.

I find this pic cute. haha

Everyone going around, wishing "Merry Christmas."

Worship

The sketch started with a choir.

Scene One - Grandma and the children

making cookies
Marissa explaining about Jesus being the light of this world.

" Weeeee!! I am so enjoying myself! ", says Melissa.

Then there was scene 2...

Ern Yik as the jobless father, who got frustrated hearing his 2 younger daughters (evelyn and melanie) argue about christmas presents. Michelle, the wife gets up to console him. Eunice reading silently behind. (supposed to be a "grumpy, sourface, girl" - as written in the script. lolz.)

the ending of scene 2.. (singing and praying.)

I just find this picture hilarious!
I'm sorry eve! lol..

" You are magnificent.. eternally.." (Magnificent- Hillsongs)

Scene 3- The Christian family arguing about the Chrismas Tree

Glory as the mother - " Why are you so mean! I put this tree up myself! "
Ern Zhi (not in pic) - " I'm just telling the truth." (he was commenting that the christmas tree was ugly)

Eugene matches the tree. lolz.

Uncle Casey sharing a short message.

Pray....

Joshua on the drums..

Aunty Crystal how brought her relatives and friends.

The family witht he cutest baby ever!! Tabiithaaa~

Makan upstairs..

UNcle Chee tuk being very helpful..=)

and yeah.. that was part of what happened in December..

If ever I find the 'inspiration' or desire to post more about december, I shall.

Till then.
buhbye!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
(for the umpteenth time)

Silence- Hall Of Fame Dance 2007

2008-02-05T18:43:00.001+08:00

At last I have cried a tear

It took a while,

it took a long time

But now I can see

I learned to let go
It was the hardest lesson learned

But I gave you my love

In silence
Silence

There will come a time
In my life

When I'd face the love was real

I turned a blind eye

I'd fear the light
Too afraid to come clean

But I learned to let go

Although you will never know

That I gave you my love
In silence

Silence
Silence
Silence

But I learned to let go
It was the hardest lesson of all

Did you ever know?

I gave you my love
In silence

Silence

Closer To You

2008-02-03T18:06:00.001+08:00

I love to watch lyrical dances...~~ sighhs.. if only I could dance like that..lol. Always loved ballet. Browsed youtube and this seemed to be one of my favs.

Closer to me,

I'm tired and I'm weak.

Every breath within me

Is longing just to be,

Closer to You,

So I face the road ahead,

Cos I know there's no comparing

To what's waiting at the end.

Let the rain start falling where it will.

I will run through this valley just to climb to that hill.

If the ask why I'm smiling after all I've been through,

It's cos I'm just a day closer to you.

Closer to me,

I hear you whisper on the wind.

You say although my life is fading,
A new one will begin.

Closer to You,

And I know I'm not alone,

Cos I can hear you in the distance,
Saying, "You are nearly home."

Let the rain start falling where it will.

I will run through this valley, just to climb to that hill.

If they ask why I'm dancing though my days may be few.

It's cos I'm just a day closer to You.

Closer to me,

You're in the laughter and the tears

Of the ones I leave behind me

Who have prayed me through the years.

Closer to You,

And I know it won't be long

Til You're running down the pathway,

Just to take me in Your arms.

Let the rain start falling where it will.

I will run through this valley just to climb to that hill.

If they ask why I'm singing though my life's almost through.

It's cos I'm just a day closer.

I'm just a day closer
I'm just a day closer to You.

2008-01-29T01:19:00.000+08:00

It is 1:19 am, and I just felt like blogging.
I just finished completing my literature homework ; affraid to procrastinate any of Puan Nirmala's after last week's scary, truth-revealing, confession session.
*phew*
Thank God I made it out. Reason? I was sick! (not too bad eh? hehe)
Some other students did their work but still got small complaints from her.

*thinks aloud*
I'm thinking of changing my blogskin...

(and I can already hear Charlene heaving a sigh, putting on that "FINALLY!!" expression.)
lol

I KNOW.
I've been clinging on to this layout for years, and I need a change!! A makeover! (not me the blog) Hmm...actually, maybe I DO need a makeover too..>.<'

SCHOOL................Rocks!
But, sometimes it stinks like socks..
........
...
socks..
our library stinks of socks.
we need ventilation. air. oxygen.
I don't think they have enough energy to actually read one page of a book since most of them will be pinching their noses shut.
........
...
why.. oh tell me why am I laming around here at this time?..

OK.. fine.
I'll talk about school today.

Today, we had SUKANTARA. I still havent really found the english word equal to that term, and I'm too tired to bother about it. Man..come to think of it, I just realized I was asking the same questions 2 years ago.
"What's the english term for sukantara?"
and 2 years after that, like now, I still have not found my answer???! THIS IS BAD. *suddenly remembers things that were procrastinated until now*
Gosh, I feel awful.. 2 whole years, and I am still asking the same ol' question. how pathetic.
and YESiree! This post is getting nonsensical..

I really long for the bed,
but my mind just can't shuddup.
I'm affraid I won't have enough energy to long jump tommorow..
ooo... I so love crashin into the sand! :)

Dear Monday,

I really appreciated the first few hours of school. Being in the field instead of the lab was satisfying. But, sadly, I missed recess hours and had to go through the rest of the day with a grumbling stomach..Whatmore, the aroma created from the skilled chefs from the hotel, so freakin near our classroom brought all my senses to life! Today, they had tomyam..tien pao and me never failed to recognize it.
Today, I FINALLY learnt the true art of balaning equations.
Oh, the simplicity of it! For the first time in my life, CHEMISTRY HAS REASONS! thanks to Ferlynne's dad.

ok.. I sense a yawn coming.
THANK GOD!!
I'm going to sleep.
Gooooooooooooooodddd niiiiiiiigghhht.....

EMPTY YOUR DESIRE, goodbye Priscilla

2008-01-23T16:51:00.000+08:00

" He showed me that there are many good things but they are not the best. Many times we take snatch up the good things and overlook the best things that God has in plan for us. It seems so hard, so painful to actually let go of what may seem to be golden opportunities and trust that He has something better in mind. But when you obey Him, let go of your dreams and hold on to Him, you feel this sense of peace that the world can’t take away. You still wonder what God has in mind, but you will keep holding onto Him because He’s the only one worth holding onto. "

I Just visited Priscilla's blog, and this paragraph she wrote just striked and reminded me about last year...There's this one paper, pasted on my bedroom wall.. Written on it, with black marker,
" EMPTY YOUR DESIRES "

Last November-December has been a crazy stormy ride.and I decided to conclude the year with this phrase..I know, people search for happiness in this life, and most of the time, it comes from our deepest wantings and dreams.
Its really hard, to give up things you treasure alot, but, having dreams and desires aligned to His desires brings us a longer and ever lasting happiness.
His is always best..
Empty your desires and let Him fill you with the perfect ones..

Reading Pris's post just motivated me once again to do, grow, live, and give my best this year and forget the past.

Lord Jesus,

Just want to thank you so much for Priscilla. Lord as she ventures into a new phase of her life, a new adventure, a new beginning, a new chapter with new challenges, I just pray that you would guide her every step in this colourful walk with you. Help her to see with your eyes and feel with your heart, and help her family with the settling down in Australia. Continue to use her as your instrument and to shine through her life over there! Help her not to forget me. hehe. I
IN Jesus name, Amen.

Love you lots~!
Dont worry! You can pass their addmath test!! (I think) lol..=P
don't stress too much and enjoy the flow kay!
God bless you!

THIS WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENIN LATELY.. nuthing much tho

2008-01-23T15:40:00.000+08:00

Its a public holiday.

I woke up at 9am.

just to open my books and study.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME??

but whatever is, I'm sure it's positive. right?
Hm. Now that evil Kim has suceeded in making me our class's "wakil akademik", (NO, my job is not to pose as the best student in academics, but to COLLECT the student's HOMEWORK and BOOKS!!. ),
I'm FORCED by
my conscience to finish all my homework.

Stepping into the internet zone makes me feel lost. I've lost track of the recent happenings in blogs, and I havent signed in to msn for a month. Just went blog-hopping, and still trying to absorb everything I've read. Wow. So many things are happening in just one month.

***

School has been good so far.

Still hanging on..

managed not to sleep in class for the 1st 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I gave in this week. =(
Btw, my new partner in class, PHOEBE, the Queen of Blurness.
Being a blur person myself, it'll be a miracle if we ever manage to keep our sitting positions in class throughout the year.

***

Esther Jie left for Australia last friday, 18th.
The time spent with her felt really short. We didn't get to build much memories, or go out much, because school came in the way.
Well, we did go out for sushi with the family, and I spat a mouthful of fishy green tea on her face, (not on purpose). It was an accident, and yes, it was DISGUSTING. Lol, shud've seen her face! How did it happen? long story.... ><

Throughout this 2 months, and with the presence of Esther back home, I came to realize how much things have changed eversince she left. Ever since one year ago.

I thought things would go back like normal,. they way it used to be when she was back home, but it was totally different. Everyone sort of changed in one way or another. Pretty interesting comparing the past and present.

Oh, and I also realized that my blogposts are getting more BORING, and dull. Hm. Maybe it's because I'm gettin duller. >.< ***

OH and Yee thong shifted!! Finally! Can't wait to see her new home! and

PRISCILLA is migrating to Australia in February!! I can't believe it! Wow... Time past so fast!!! I'm really glad for her.. a greater adventure lies ahead of you Pris~! Just don't forget to tell me about it! =P and keep in touch!

What I've been doing nowadays...

* attending boring basketball practises, with no coach, a disaster..
* writing stories.
* worrying and hoping for my face skin improvement. (with less sun this year, I hope my plan works. hehe)

* skipping aimless sports practises, and breaking rules. ( I'm tired of fearing the teacher, so I decided to do something different this year.)

* avoiding the computer
* nerding with the books. (but i don't think it will last long)

* trying to control my finance status.
* learning the violin
* scrabbling alone in my room. (sad)
* saying goodbye to lots of people.
* writing aimless poetry. (BECAUSE MY LIFE HAS BECOME BORING)

* reading novels.

BORING is the word!
I need some excitement! provided the excitement does not direct my motivation towards a wrong goal.

I hope YOU are doing goood, whoever you are.
I wonder if anyone still visits this dead-ish blog.
I'm amazed if you do, because, this blog is heading down the road of death very soon. I can feeeel it...... OK. *crap alert*...lol. Before I start crapping again, I better stop.

And sorry to those whom I've failed to keep in touch online. I have good reasons tho. =D
I can't use the computer, so.. pandai-pandailah..

Take care, and stay motivated!!! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-01-05T11:26:00.000+08:00

Just came back from our very first basketball training for the year 2008. I feel really refreshed (after all those pigging out session during the holidays ), but this training got me thinkin'...in fact, the 1st 2 days of school got me thinkin'..

"Am I going to get so caught up in activities again like last year, and do TERRIBLY in my Spm?"

Images from last year reeled in my mind. The terrible results..the last minute-late-night studying, the F's.. *SLAP* yES! I need to really keep my focus. sigh. *worried* *need time*

Training was okay. Pretty dull, and someone forgot to inform the new members abt the training, so, we had simple stuffs today. Thank God, we're not sending an under-18 team this year. Weee!! hehehe.

Many things happened in December, but too many to fill in here. Just don't have the time to blog these days. Actually, I have a half written post to conclude my December and to welcome the New year, but I decided to delete it due to some reasons. hehe.

Christmas was overall good. It was good having ESTHER jie back here in Malaysia! Had nice chats with her. ONe whole year of stories!! She'll be flying back to Aus pretty soon. In about 2 and a half weeks time. Too bad, she can't stay to get her Ang Paos.

Hmm..most of the time, blogging really helps me to reflect about a lot of things. Correcting my mistakes, discovering thoughts that were actually hidden, but, I guess I won't have time to reflect on my life this way anymore. Lol. Especially this year. :) Maybe.. maybe when I get a personal laptop. hmm.. (when will that be ar??>.<) Maybe..when I get my own camera.. lalala... haha.. and when I have more time, THEN I will start blogging again.

I hope everyone started their new year with a positive mindset, no matter how bad things started for you, or unfortunate events seem to haunt you from the past, it's a NEW year. In fact, every day is a choice to make a change.:) Stay on there, and welcome the new year with new HOPEs, renewed strength, and a direction to follow.

Take care, and seize the year!! :)

December is finally HERE

2007-12-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

Its finally December.
I don't know if I'm happy, but... I'm not.
I want time to just stop, but at the same time, I want it to quickly rush forward.

sometimes, I guess I'm a coward. Not wanting to face life's challenges.
or..
maybe, I'm lost? and I can't stand living another day travelling (in a way ) alone in the wilderness.
I know I'm not alone.
But sometimes, it feels that way.
Oh well, It just happened that the night I were to write what happened on my birthday was the night I just HAD an emofied session. too bad. lol

* BIRTHDAY *
(4th dec)
-Post 1-

I went out with Yee thong, Ng, and my cousin, who met up with her 24/7 funny friend Yee Sam in Mid Valley.
That, I will elaborate in post 2.

These are some pictures taken when I came home to celebrate with my family and three of my cousins.

It was a simple family dinner with a cake later on.

The pretty bronze necklace Ng and Lee bought for me. Thank you.. :)
I really like it.. =) Ng, u must hv rmbered me saying something about bronze stuff.>.<

If only I could hold freedom in my hands like that.

The cake. Oreo cheese.
Havent had secret recipe for quite some time.

I just realized, this is the 1st birthday, in which I did not make a wish.

Mummy..and me.
The night before my birthday was a bad one. We had a very bad fight becoz of my birthday. hm. and, the morning was terrible. I really did not manage to fully enjoy the moments I had with my friends, but, nevertheless, a new day will always arrive.

ah ma enjoying her cake.

And ah kong..

Eugene and me. He just woke up.

hmm.. who holds the other ring? I wonder..
Thank you rachel coussie. I like it.=)

These Char Siew puffs was brought over by Aunty Judy for me when I was in Mid Valley.
I called mummy when she was having a chat with Aunty JUdy and she actually sang "Happy Birthday" to me on the phone.
I was really touched. I never knew she would even know my birthday..

to be continued...

ENCHANTED

2007-12-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

Yeap! I watched Disney's "Enchanted" today.
It was VUNDERFUL!!! very very SWEET! cool! amazing.

It was also hilarious. haha. Do watch it.

'
Nice. Shud not be missed. :)

*sigh*
I really love disney, and will always do until I die. haha.
Brings back so many memories.

Giselle
The main character.
This is how she looks like in "HER" world.

-----------------------

* synopsis *

A classic Disney animated fairy tale meets with the modern, live-action romantic comedy in Walt Disney Pictures' ENCHANTED. Featuring an all-star cast, the film follows the beautiful princess Giselle (AMY ADAMS) as she is banished by an evil queen (SUSAN SARANDON) from her magical, musical animated land and finds herself in the gritty reality of the streets of modern-day Manhattan. Shocked by this strange new environment that doesn't operate on a "happily ever after" basis, Giselle is now adrift in a chaotic world badly in need of enchantment. But when Giselle begins to fall in love with ......******....
(u find out4 urself) =)

----------------------------------------

TODAY

mood : sleepy

Was so sleepy during and after church.
and, wasn't exactly a good day due to some reasons. but. at least, I know all will be fine soon.

Went to Jusco Balakong to watch a movie. Surprisingly, there were seats!

Great movie.

Then did some grocery shopping with mum.
LoL, there was a cute small boy about 2-3 years old talking to the crabs and fishes and clams.
It was hilarious!!
He did all sorts of weird gestures, smthing like a dance and started talking excitedly first at the fishes, then at the clams.. then he came to the crabs. He was a little hestitant at 1st coz the crabs were kinda big but as soon as he found out they were dead, he started poking and laughing and joking with the crabs?? lol. I wonder wether he really believed they were dead. cute boy. haha

We were on our way back to the parking lot, in the lift.
I was carrying one of the plastic bags containing the stuff we bought, and mine was the heaviest.

there was 3 bottles of diffrent sauces in it..
The lift stopped, and everyone got out. I was holding the plastic bag in a very .. reckless way, and the bottle of oyster sauce rolled out of it and fell down.
Broken glass and its content was splattered all over the lift.. and THANK God everyone got out 1st.
I was kinda sleepy that time.. I know. I shudnt have slept at 4am!
I felt so bad.. sigh. Why am I so clumsy?? and FORGETFUL.

Ho.... FORGETFUL.
Never ever ask me, "what made u say ur forgetful..?"
because, I feel so ashame just thinking about the incidents!!! lol

----------------------------

Its DECEMBER now.

Just hope everyone gets to finish up their tasks..
and relationships are mended.
and happiness is found.

Good nights!

Carrie Underwood

2007-11-21T22:02:00.001+08:00

..:)..

MAKING DEADLINES?

2007-11-18T16:16:00.001+08:00

Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating

You are the master of new ideas, techniques, and ways of looking at things.
You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines.

You should major in:

Marketing
Psychology
Desgin
Cognitive Science
Economics
Photography

What Should You Major In?

for the fun of it.haha.

::TODAY::

.Church.

I played terribly. sigh. the usual reason. sigh. I just hope next week, things will go smoother.

We had Pastor Cynthia from FGA kl, and she shared smething interesting about

Abraham and Sarah.
Faith and fear.
Trust and unbelief.

I think it was a good message, and I guess it did serve as an alarm clock to all the church members..including me.=)

Is anyone taking part in the "celebration of hope" project by Billy Graham?? (esp if its in Kajang) Do tell me k?.. considering some things about it...

Have a good week!

THIS WEEK

2007-11-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

I found a cure for my boredom = astroless, computerless (what 2do with my sister and brother around).

CURE :: LOADSA DVDS!!!
Thanks lee!!! 24 movies is enough!

*******

LEE is into scrabbling! YAY!!!! Scrabble scrabble scrabble!!!

*******

Had a great time with Lee today. A quiet day with boggle, carrom, scrabble. DVDS, talk, Diaries, pictures. I miss these moments. Thank God she came, or I'll be dying in this solitary room of mine.

*******

I misss....... esther......jie......
Shopping was always ESTHER
Staying up was always ESTHER too
Basketball was also esther..
Night talks was also Esther..
Tear session, was always Esther.
Someone who understood, you name it.

It feels so weird without.
I've changed so much in this one year.
the good part, i may be a little more independant.
the bad part..
I just feel alone.
Something's missing.

*******

was reading my 6-9 year old diary.. and wish, I could be as innocent as I was then.
things that I call a miracle back then...fuh...

*********

We are dissecting a frog tommorow!!!

Oh, poor frog,
If only you know that your life ends tommorow!

Good night.

Pinching away some thoughts.

2007-11-10T22:55:00.000+08:00

.sigh.

Today, I feel like sighing. Sighing as much as I can. Used to believe it helps relieve or lighten the weight in my chest, but when it became a habit, I realized sighing weared me down even more. Not to forget, they wear the people around me too.

***

Second chances.
They exist, or existed only in certain areas of our lives.
If only humans can find pleasure in things they already have.
If only regrets never existed.
If only mistakes are understood as challenges.
Its so hard to see the world changing.
people changing.
and i began to wonder..
am I changing?
I want second chances for many things..
but i dont know wether I can
believe or hope for one.

***

Pain.
little children laughing and dancing with their mummies.
group of friends chillin.
music playing and the little baby drifts off to sleep.
grandmama, say goodbye.
surrounding my walls.
stand strong, and this will slowly fade away.
Miss the fun. It's worth it.
I think.

***

Selfishness.
That person may not know it, but they hurt you so deeply.
What do you do?
Confront? Express?

If, you know there is no resolution.

What do you do?
Leave? Walk away? (even though it hurts.)

Why..
why do people misunderstand?

***

Trust

I hate that word.
trust, you hurt me the most
but..
how can I live without you?
don't fill me too much,
but take more of me.
That way,
I feel lighter.
And I am the one who leaves.
not you.

***

THERE. I've let it all out.

anyone..
please... stop hurting..
others..
or
urselves.

good night.

Paganini_Caprice_no_24

2007-11-08T16:46:00.001+08:00

OMG.. and I thought this could only be played on the violin..way to go girl!!!

High School Musical 2- Gotta Go My Own Way

2007-11-07T00:14:00.001+08:00

I've never watched High School Musical 2 before (absence of Astro sob) but, came over this in you tube. Dunt know the story line, but it made me feel emotional. haha. Liked the song..

NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL " THE FINALS "

2007-11-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

Yes.
I think I heard it right.
I think I read it right.
I think it sounded right.
It think it feels SOOOO RIGHT...

SOOOOO PERFECTLY, HORRENDOUSLY, BEAUTIFULLY, WONDERFULLY, CRAZILY, IMPOSSIBLY, TRUELY RIGHT!!!

Exams are over .
yes OVER.

Still could'nt digest the fact that it is until I went home, took a 6 hour dreamless nap, woke up for a TV break, and touch the guitar I missed sooo much!

***

Chemistry was a mess, Biology was OK since its my fav subject, Physics was a little disappointing becoz I gave up studying a little too early and went to bed early. I just cudnt take it. I was trembling in add math, regretting in Maths, praying real hard during History, Rushing during English, Smiling through BM, Dozing off in Moral, and enjoying every bit of PJK.

***

OH, that terrible experience, was so familiar to me. I knew the resolution to avoid it but never took the effort to. Well not yet.. Lets just wait a little while until I'm officially in Form 5. =D

***

Holidays are around the corner. Not exactly. They're already here...
but I just dunt feel free inside. I don't know. Funny.
I'm still wondering how my Hols are gonna be like this time. I don't control them, but they control me. sigh. Oh well, only time will tell.

*****

Just hope all of you out there are enjoying every moment of this long awaited dream.
DO NOT STUDY IN THE HOLIDAYS LEE!! haha, even though our chemistry SUX.

This is probably the last bit of holiday you will ever get to enjoy to the max before 2009.

So, live each day for it is! Choose happiness! Cya!

*runs off to play*

SOMEONE TELL ME

2007-10-31T03:56:00.000+08:00

Someone, please tell me,
why am I here?
the little hand passed four,
the dark sky is getting clear
my eyes are really stinging,
but my mind is on a train
to a distant land... i'm waiting
to fulfill an old bargain.

Someone, please tell me,
why am I here?
Blur sceneries pass my eyes,
we're moving fast, so is my fear
did I board the right train?
did I miss a stop?
alone .. I am a tiny grain
in this empty speeding spot.

Someone please tell me,
why am I here?
I do not know my journey,
not even the year.
Given only, a name of a man,
my host whom awaits me
at the appointed land.

It seems that he will tell me
the reason I am here
travelling soundly in my seat,
waiting for dawn to appear.
wishing this train would stop,
before the break of day,
before the man disappears
and leaves me in dismay.

I will get no reason then,
and lay in a pool of loss,
I can only wait until
the next train comes across.

I do not know what on earth I am doing here at 4:30 am in the morning. I'm feeling terrible. My literature exam is starting in 3 hours time, and I doubt I will be able to focus.

I dont know why. but i just CANT SLEEP!!
therefore, i decided to pen my thoughts.. muy messy thoughts.. my 'no direction' thoughts.. in this poem. it took me 30 minutes to find a cure. poetry. haha. after writing it, i felt... really slepy..... goood nites...

A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

2007-10-24T16:01:00.000+08:00

* JUST A THOUGHT *

" It's thin line between love and hate. "

Its sad how some people fall into making this phrase come true.
Well, Is it really true??
I can't say it isn't because it is being made true. Girls taking revenge on their exes, guys become prejudiced towards other girls who are similar with the one who left him, children never wanting to accept their old parent's appology.
Why do they have to believe hate?? Why must they choose hate?

Maybe it wasn't hate.
It's just a higher level of anger and disappointment and acceptance of rejection was not yet ready to be perceived.

the longer you choose to dwell in anger, the thinner that line becomes...
What will happen to LOVE then??
will you be able to recognize it the next time you see one?

don't distort love. get on with life and choose not hate..

WHAT?

2007-10-11T14:19:00.000+08:00

MY WEEK

THE NOT SO GOOD THINGS

1) Waited for the public bus for freaking 2 hours! Why? Just because I was scatter brain and left my text books in the restaurant. Therefore, I missed the 1st bus.

2) Bad public bus experiences. Spoilt bell, WIDE space to stand, some rude passengers, walked 1.5 km after waiting for 2 hours for the bus. on a EXAM DAY.

3) EXAMS- need no further explanation.

4) EUGENE deleted all my documents in microsoft word just because I ACCIDENTALLY deleted his game. I didn't even know it was a game! That boy needs some professional disciplining AND spanking!!! I'm so sad..all my poems.. school work.

5) Alzheimer strikes again! - came for the rhema studio meeting lik 2 hours early? I thought It starts at 3.30pm, and because of me, my mum missed her lunch, everything just went haywire.

6) Alzheimer case no. 2 - embarassed myself by debating blindly with Joshua about his birthday. I thought it was ytd, and I thought he was joking (lk always) when he said I was wrong when I wished him. Oh my gosh.. who would know better than the birthday boy himself? why do I do stupid things?

7) Alzheimer case no. 3 - Library books returned late. Fined RM 3. It cost me 30 minutes of lecture from mum and we ended up arguing about something big. Great.

THE GOOD THINGS

1) EXAMS was a screw up but Raya is here!!! That means, I still have a chance to PASS. Not get an A. =( That explains how much shooting I did during these three days.

2) Public bus nonsense is out of my face for this one week of raya. Phew.

3) Movies is next on my list!! =D Its a holiday~!!

4) I'm going guitar book shopping. Maybe a new guitar too.

5) Almost getting it. Andy Mckee's - drifting.

6) Church worship team is improving. I hope the practises last.

7) HOLIDAYS.

8) MORE SLEEP

9) HOLIDAYS

10) HOLIDAYS.

11) Planning to learn how to bake a cake during the holidays. The last time I was left
with the oven alone to bake, the rock cakes really really turned out like rock! Maybe worst than a rock.. =S. This is sad.

12) Once again HOLIDAYS!!!

I hope that I'll make it through Chemistry. sigh. I still havent found a reason for me to study hard for chemistry. I guess I will never find one, and maybe its about time I force myself to like it. Uggh yuck!

EVERY MOMENT

2007-10-11T12:38:00.000+08:00

*camp moments*

I was just having a moment of silence and prayer.. I just wanted to hear NOTHING. I just wanted to feel emotionless. I wanted to cradle away alone in the strong cold breeze, alone with Him. As I closed my eyes and leaned against the cold metal fence, I just felt the urgent need to worship. "Heart of worship" just popped into my mind and flowed out from my mouth.

When the music fades, all is stripped away...
and I just simply come.

Longing just to bring, something thats of worth
that will bless your heart.

Its all about you, its all about you Jesus.

As I sang the last line, so many familiar thoughts and memories brushed past my mind. The rides he brought me throughout the year, the times I was so immature, the times I've failed Him, the victorious moments. However the first picture that came into my mind was the picture posted in one of my blog post in May 2007. I tried to remember what the post was all about. I remembered that was a point of time when God was teaching me how to surrender some of the things I deeply treasured. He wanted me to stop Martha-ing around and be like Mary..

and I realized how much I just wanted to be in silence with Him. I've never felt that peace for a long time. That response toward His presence.. the kind of response where you actually , "love him with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your MIND." I needed that. I needed to respond that way. There's always one part of me missing.

As I sat there for the 1st 30 minutes, I felt like I never want to leave that place. I did not want to go back to that crazy life, filled with so many voices, magnifying my weaknesses, so much confusion, so many Hopes that get me tangled up. Nobody's perfect, and they stumble once in a while. I just wished I could stay there, in the silence, in His presence, and just respond to Him with all my heart, soul and mind ,forever.

I wasn't exactly expecting a direct answer from Him in camp about a certain issue, but camp or no camp, I knew he was going to lead me all the way. All I needed to deal with was to help my mind digest what my heart believed.

Realizing I was alone in that really dark solitary area, in the middle of the night, I suddenly felt out of place. Everyone was near the foyer, hanging out and chit chatting, I felt like a stranger in the dark. I've always worked things out with my mind, trying to decipher what everything means, striving for a picture, a clue that signifies what lies ahead. I was never one who was easily satisfied without a reason. I was never one who could lay silently in the dark, in the silence and just do nothing but wait for the arrival of what is to come.

I looked around and I realized, I could see nothing. NOTHING at all. and I felt it was time I headed back in2 the foyer although I really did not want to. It was the rainy season then, and Peacehaven was very, very misty, especially at night. It was so dark that I couldnt even see where my feet was bringing me.. I couldnt even see the netball ring located 10 metres away. All I could see was small yellow dots, coming from the lamposts. a picture i took that night. It looked like this ::

As I tried to make my way back from the top of the hill to the car park, I almost freaked out. I felt like I was falling as I walked down the steep hill, straining my eyes for the sight of at least a human but I could see nothing except the small yellow dots.

drama? it was really like that, i cud see nothing. thats why i freaked out. It was so misty. I was of course pretty familiar with the place that I culd almost imagine my surroundings with my eyes close. but I felt at that moment, it reminded me again about that picture. An unclear path, crossroads, insecurities. He wanted me to just focus on the light. Depend not on my own strength, not on my talents, not on my Mind, not on the voices around me or in my head, depend on nothing, but the Light. Focus on nothing but Him..especially in moments of darkness.

Everytime we're in some kind of trouble, we think there's so many other solutions because there's so many voices and things happening around, but in the end of the day, we waste 3 quarters of our strength worrying and finding a solution, or working our way up only to find that in the dark, only the Light can save us.

Walking back to the foyer reminds me of walking back into life after camp. It may be scary and heartbreaking at times because we may not be able to 'feel' that perfect relationship like how we used to, we may be flooded with uncertainties and not know where to go again, but we know that no matter what happens, He will be the light to guide us. He just wants us to walk by faith and not by sight, not by we can do, but what He promised we can.

Sharon..
A girl who's trust in the Lord could be clearly seen by her actions and her attitude. She needn't give a word of encouragement..her lifestyle clearly speaks. She has such a great talent in music and a greater love for God. If she can, why not me? Lord teach me to trust AND surrender with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind.

felt really encouraged by Eunice Wong's post about trust. http://revolution4god.blogspot.com/search/label/Words

don't give up that climb of trust!!

weee... camp was fun. We had 2 netball rings so we could play basketball how much we want~!!